Sunday, August 26, 2007


adj. Used to describe people, animals, and sea vessels of the female-ier persuasion.

Real citation: “HPV under the edges of fingernails has huge significance for sexual transmission. Just as a penis does not only fit in a vagina, nor is it the only limb that fits there. And besides, there's a lot of sex going on between non-bepenised people.”
(Martin R., Aug, 1, 2007, Pharyngula,

Made-up citation: "If all non-bepenised citizens broke up with their penis-laden partners, wouldn't most of the non-penis-possessors be better off?"

1 comment:

Elvis Dingeldein said...

I’m afraid the Wordlusty have woefully misappropriated the root word in use here, and indeed given it a much cheerier meaning than its original etymology suggests. The Oxford English Dictionary & Naughty Bits Lexicon clearly sets the first use of the word “bepenised” in Elizabethan England, circa 1571, during the aftermath of the Ridolfi Plot.

As everyone knows, Roberto “Gigantesco Penisito” Ridolfi was a wealthy Florentine banker, ardent Catholic and amateur pornographic theater star, appearing in such classics of the Golden Age as Marlowe’s Doctor Faustus’s Huge Wank and Shakespeare’s Measure For Measure. In 1569 -- outraged by recent Protestant restrictions on dropping one’s pants during public theater -- Ridolfi organized the infamous Ridolfi Plot, which would later turn out to be a poor choice of conspiracy names, as it pointed rather obviously at his guilt once he was captured. Like most plots against the rule of Queen “Like A Virgin” Elizabeth I, this one was as poorly planned as a preemptive war in the Middle East and immediately went bad when one of the key conspirators turned out to be the Queen herself. Arrested along with Thomas Howard, the 4th Duke of Norfolk (played with seething sexual energy by Christopher Eccleston), Ridolfi spent several months in London’s unpleasant Tower (Michelin Guide: 2 Stars; Drafty; Damp; Occasional beheading; Continental Breakfast; Protestant-Friendly) before meeting his fate at the ungentle hands of the Queen’s Lord High Executioner. The first use of the word in question was recorded the next day, by Elizabeth herself, who wrote in her diary,

September 14, 1571. Have destroyed the Ridolfi Plot and arrested all involved. Norfolk complaining that the ceilings in his cell are too low for a man his height; will remedy by chopping off his head. As for Ridolfi, he met the axeman yesterday morn and was bepenised for his troubles.

I’m sure Signor Ridolfi would not appreciate his one contribution to society -- the enshrining of the word first used to note the removal of his manhood -- being used so flippantly and then misrepresented here at Wordlust. The shame, THE SHAME!