Monday, September 17, 2007

crotchdar

noun. A honed skill, razor-sharp, that leads one's nose to groiny nether-regions and wonderlands.

Related terms: gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, sexual-geniusdar, hickdar, loserdar, boob-dar, penis-dar, big dick-dar, hair-dar, porn-dar, sex-dar, food-dar, sleep-dar, money-dar, ho-dar, slut-dar, babe-dar, virgin-dar, jailbaitdar, hottie-dar, weirdo-dar, jerk-dar, moron-dar, dorkdar, skankdar, freak-dar, ass-dar, asshole-dar, asshat-dar, Pretentious Club-going New York Assholedar, someone-is-staring-at-my-ass-dar, “Jesus Freak” dar, zombie-dar, fake-boob-dar, dogdar, catdar, ratdar, camel toe-dar.

Real citation: “lol Scorp I know exactly what you mean..i call it crotchdar. Even if i don't wanna see it, if its there and its obvious i will look.”
(May 8, 2007, http://www.hiphoppoetry.com/vB/showthread.php?t=32828&page=7)

Made-up citation: "If God didn't want us to people the earth, he wouldn't have given us alcohol. Or crotchdar."

1 comment:

Elvis Dingeldein said...

What a disaster World War II might have been if we hadn’t taken the lead in crotchdar research and development when we did. It was the French, of course, that initially led Europe in the race for a working crotchdar, as the typical Frenchman’s capacity for sniffing out and quickly locking onto an approaching crotch had been enormously damaged in the sulfuric mustard-gas fogs of the Great War. Trench warfare and years of wanton ├ęclair abuse had withered the average Frog’s love tackle to the size and consistency of a sodden tadpole; something had to be done to artificially stimulate the French proclivity for all things crotch. Thus, in a secret laboratory beneath the ancient streets of Paris, work began in July of 1939 on the first practical crotchdar.

Less than a year later -- working from critical crotchdar data obtained by Vichy collaborators and hot Nazi female spies with perfect French mustaches -- Germany would invade France in order to control this vital technology.

The Allies immediately began planning a massive assault on German-occupied France in a desperate effort to reclaim key crotchdar scientists and spirit them to American labs, which had been trying without success to build its own crude crotch-sensing device. In more than 10 years of research, these labs -- all part of a Top Secret operation codenamed THE ATLANTIC CITY PROJECT and led by chief scientist and young crotch-addict Mickey Rooney -- had produced nothing but a box the size of a train car that beeped morosely 20 minutes after a woman had walked past it at a range of 3-5 feet. This was obviously unacceptable and led to what General Dwight D. Eisenhower would later refer to as “the crotchdar gap.”

As Axis scientists worked feverishly to translate French crotchdar plans into more scalable Teutonic specifications (the French have 238 different terms for the female anatomy; Germans have one), the Allies were putting the finishing touches on OPERATION OVERLORD, a massive assault on mainland France meant to divert Nazi attentions away from their heavily-guarded crotchdar labs. I’m pretty sure it was a success, as I don’t speak German and have the new iCrotch mini clipped onto my belt. Go look the rest up on Wikipedia, I’m sure it’s there.