torturiness

noun. Torture lite: Now available with crystal-clear, all-natural, mountain-fresh spring waterboarding.

Real citation: “How about the rack or the Iron Maiden? Is the torturiness user dependent?”
(Oct. 25, 2007, The Washington Monthly, http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/archives/individual/2007_10/012353.php)

Made-up citation: “The Geneva Conventions say nothing of atomic wedgies, mega-swirlies, nuclear noogies, and other forms of torturiness that are like a chocolate picnic compared to the real shit going on these days.”