adj. Not even slightly resembling a bird with low SAT scores and a poorly constructed nest.
Real citation: "Yes, there's plenty of non-quailtard-shaped targets to blast at. You got your cartoon riots, your winter Olympics with not enough brothers in it, your Filipino mudslide (which, despite what you might have heard, is neither a sex act NOR a dessert at TGI McScratchy's). People are even stealing prosthetic legs. Oh, and Dick Cheney shot some geezer in the fucking face!"
(CK, "About Time," Feb. 17, 2006, tubesocket, http://tubesocket.tv/archive/2006_02_12_archive.html)
Made-up citation: "Whether designing birthday cakes or dildoes, non-quailtard-shaped is a good way to go."