noun. An instrument, much like a metal detector, that zeroes in on self-crucifixion-happy fools.
Real citation: “The martyrometer exists so that people who don't have the time to get into the details and intrigues of Steve and Winston's marathon training schedules can find out, at a glance, who's having the most miserable time of it at the moment.”
(Jim, Jan. 13, 2006, http://marahash.blogspot.com/2006/01/introducing-martyrometer.html)
Made-up citation: "Considering my lifestyle of eating cupcakes and cavorting by the lake, I doubt a martyrometer would make even a single beep-beep in my presence."