non-autoerotic-asphyxiating

adj. Involving absolutely no sexy strangulation shenanigans or smothering-centric smoochies.

Real citation: "The scenario you described doesn't sound like much fun to me either—where's the part where you stick it in her?—but I can guarantee that someone out there is frantically choking his chicken and wondering how he can score such a gal. And while your ex probably found you interminably dull, I'm positive you're probably setting some other chick's pants on fire with your non-autoerotic-asphyxiating ways. "
(Judy McGuire, "One Scoop of Vanilla," New York Press, http://nypress.com/18/4/news&columns/dategirl.cfm)

Made-up citation: "Why do people focus on the negative, like calling the new Pope the Nazi Pope? He's also the non-autoerotic-asphyxiating Pope, but you'd never know it from the liberal media!"