noun. A non-kaboomy condition that will likely never be universal, because of those two-legged varmints called "people" you may have noticed around these parts.
Real citation: "Kaboomlessness
Thank goodness the baserunner in this photograph is not A-Rod. Otherwise, we'd probably never hear the end of it:"
(June 2, 2007, Catfish Stew, http://catfishstew.baseballtoaster.com/archives/681475.html)
Made-up citation: "When the Martians represent humanity in their finest museum, they will erect a statue of an earthwad praying for kaboomlessness while setting off a suitcase nuke. Martian warlord children on field trips will love it."
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
on-crack-itude
noun. Someone's cuckoo for crack puffs...
Real citation: "Instead of sleeping, spent several hours panicking about...well, everything in the world, pretty much. Mostly just the usual ('Am I nebbish and spineless? No, wait, am I an overbearing and horrible person? Or is it possible that several people whose opinions I once trusted are actually just on crack, and maybe I'm just a good and flawed and normal person who should accept their basic on-crack-itude?')"
(Sept. 7, 2005, Sarah NotTheDishes, http://sarahpi.livejournal.com/209104.html)
Made-up citation: "It is so nice to have a President with such a small on-crack-itude quotient... After having the coyotes running the road runner preserve for so long, it's refreshing."
Real citation: "Instead of sleeping, spent several hours panicking about...well, everything in the world, pretty much. Mostly just the usual ('Am I nebbish and spineless? No, wait, am I an overbearing and horrible person? Or is it possible that several people whose opinions I once trusted are actually just on crack, and maybe I'm just a good and flawed and normal person who should accept their basic on-crack-itude?')"
(Sept. 7, 2005, Sarah NotTheDishes, http://sarahpi.livejournal.com/209104.html)
Made-up citation: "It is so nice to have a President with such a small on-crack-itude quotient... After having the coyotes running the road runner preserve for so long, it's refreshing."
Thursday, January 29, 2009
suckassability
noun. Verily, 'tis a pestilence, though more slangy.
Real citation: "So, I know I thought summer was going to blow and it kind of still will have a bit of blow-esque-ness to it, but I am looking forward to it. I think its suckassability will be vastly dampened by my undying urge to get the fuck of out school. Finally getting rid of that sophomore attitude will make every day beautiful in its own right."
(April 22, 2008, Livejournal, http://spiltfromme.livejournal.com/)
Made-up citation: "This is my fourth winter in Chicago, and it has had the most snow, cold, and general suckassability--three things I have a high tolerance for, being from Buffalo."
Real citation: "So, I know I thought summer was going to blow and it kind of still will have a bit of blow-esque-ness to it, but I am looking forward to it. I think its suckassability will be vastly dampened by my undying urge to get the fuck of out school. Finally getting rid of that sophomore attitude will make every day beautiful in its own right."
(April 22, 2008, Livejournal, http://spiltfromme.livejournal.com/)
Made-up citation: "This is my fourth winter in Chicago, and it has had the most snow, cold, and general suckassability--three things I have a high tolerance for, being from Buffalo."
non-diddly-squat-doing
adj. Inactive, ineffective, in-diddly-etc.
Real citation: "first off, i'd like to raise a virtual glass to my friend rich who FINALLY got the rights to happyrobot.com. you see, he's owned the dot org and the dot net addresses for a while now but has had to deal with non-diddly-squat-doing squatters on the dot net address."
(Oct. 16, 2003, House Arrest, http://www.ashidome.com/blogger/housearrest_link.asp?c=531)
Made-up citation: "Who's better? A non-diddly-squat-doing nun or a post-Janet-Jackson’s-breast priest? Only the Pope knows for sure, and he's not talking."
Real citation: "first off, i'd like to raise a virtual glass to my friend rich who FINALLY got the rights to happyrobot.com. you see, he's owned the dot org and the dot net addresses for a while now but has had to deal with non-diddly-squat-doing squatters on the dot net address."
(Oct. 16, 2003, House Arrest, http://www.ashidome.com/blogger/housearrest_link.asp?c=531)
Made-up citation: "Who's better? A non-diddly-squat-doing nun or a post-Janet-Jackson’s-breast priest? Only the Pope knows for sure, and he's not talking."
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
celebu-crotch
noun. Oh famous groin. Oh happy day!
Real citation: "So here's the upshot. We have been trying to overcome our unhealthy obsession with famous sin-zones. After Sharon Stone assailed us with her vaginal tsunami and her cat-woman anatomy lesson, we sought therapy. When Agent Scully was stricken with a bizarre case of uterine worm-hole, we found solace in Jesus and vodka. And when Adrian Grenier went commando in his spandex Richard Simmons Jazzercise pants, we consulted the I Ching and sacrificed a goat to beelzebub. In short, we are doing our damnedest to heal our unnatural preoccupation with celebu-crotch. So why are you doing this to us?"
(Jan. 26, 2009, Can O' Whup-Ass, http://canofwhupass.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/01/a-brief-note-of-friendly-concern-dear-sigourney-weaver.html)
Made-up citation: "My crotch is so sad. It will never be a celebu-crotch. Except to your mom."
Real citation: "So here's the upshot. We have been trying to overcome our unhealthy obsession with famous sin-zones. After Sharon Stone assailed us with her vaginal tsunami and her cat-woman anatomy lesson, we sought therapy. When Agent Scully was stricken with a bizarre case of uterine worm-hole, we found solace in Jesus and vodka. And when Adrian Grenier went commando in his spandex Richard Simmons Jazzercise pants, we consulted the I Ching and sacrificed a goat to beelzebub. In short, we are doing our damnedest to heal our unnatural preoccupation with celebu-crotch. So why are you doing this to us?"
(Jan. 26, 2009, Can O' Whup-Ass, http://canofwhupass.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/01/a-brief-note-of-friendly-concern-dear-sigourney-weaver.html)
Made-up citation: "My crotch is so sad. It will never be a celebu-crotch. Except to your mom."
techno-dweebistic
adj. Far less delicious than choco-dweebistic.
Real citation: "Sorry about that. I feel better now. I just had a nice piece of chocolate with a glass of red wine. Mmmmmm. That hit the spot. A big, tannic California Cab and a bit of dark chocolate... Ahhhhhhhhhh... It doesn't get much better than that... Wine and chocolate combine to form a nearly erotic taste sensation that is almost indescribable. I could eat chocolate with wine every night. Wait, I do eat chocolate with wine nearly every night. That would explain a few things... like my evolving XXL wardrobe... Anyway, as the journalistic and techno-dweebistic foundation behind this site, you know that I'm going to give you my take on the whole wine and chocolate phenomenon. After all, it's not like THE BOB is going to explain it to you !!! NO!!! NOT MR. V.I.P. BIGSHOT WINOBOB!!! NOOOO!!! (Sorry... .must have... more... chocolate...)"
(March 15, 2003, What's New, http://www.winostuff.com/whats_new.htm)
Made-up citation: "I'm minimally techno-dweebistic when it comes to recreation... Ms. Pacman is still my favorite video game, maybe because it's such a perfect allegory for the middle east."
Real citation: "Sorry about that. I feel better now. I just had a nice piece of chocolate with a glass of red wine. Mmmmmm. That hit the spot. A big, tannic California Cab and a bit of dark chocolate... Ahhhhhhhhhh... It doesn't get much better than that... Wine and chocolate combine to form a nearly erotic taste sensation that is almost indescribable. I could eat chocolate with wine every night. Wait, I do eat chocolate with wine nearly every night. That would explain a few things... like my evolving XXL wardrobe... Anyway, as the journalistic and techno-dweebistic foundation behind this site, you know that I'm going to give you my take on the whole wine and chocolate phenomenon. After all, it's not like THE BOB is going to explain it to you !!! NO!!! NOT MR. V.I.P. BIGSHOT WINOBOB!!! NOOOO!!! (Sorry... .must have... more... chocolate...)"
(March 15, 2003, What's New, http://www.winostuff.com/whats_new.htm)
Made-up citation: "I'm minimally techno-dweebistic when it comes to recreation... Ms. Pacman is still my favorite video game, maybe because it's such a perfect allegory for the middle east."
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
womanpanzee
noun. A chimp with feminine charms. And wiles!
Real citation: "If you are an undercover human and meet Antonio Santana, tell him you are a
member of the Watchtower's secret police looking for people to excommunicate.
Turn him in anyways. Works best if you are an undercover Womanpanzee(tm)."
(Sept. 1, 2000, Yahoo Groups, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/creationevolutiondebate/message/190)
Made-up citation: "Studies show women are aroused by the sight of sexual relations between two men, two women, three men, four meerkats, or a womanpanzee and a caveman. Men are aroused by space battles and lugnuts. So what is it that brings men and women together? About nine beers, researchers say."
Real citation: "If you are an undercover human and meet Antonio Santana, tell him you are a
member of the Watchtower's secret police looking for people to excommunicate.
Turn him in anyways. Works best if you are an undercover Womanpanzee(tm)."
(Sept. 1, 2000, Yahoo Groups, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/creationevolutiondebate/message/190)
Made-up citation: "Studies show women are aroused by the sight of sexual relations between two men, two women, three men, four meerkats, or a womanpanzee and a caveman. Men are aroused by space battles and lugnuts. So what is it that brings men and women together? About nine beers, researchers say."
Monday, January 26, 2009
meat-splosive
adj. Highly correlated with subsequent heart-splosive events.
Real citation: "One of my favorite sandwiches is the meat-splosive Spicy Rizzak made of 50% sliced turkey, 25% crispy bacon, and 25% tomato and onion coated in melted cheddar and hot chipotle mayo, all neatly tucked in a soft and crusty, toasted sesame semolina hero roll. It only comes in a large size, unlike most of their other hot sandwiches that come in small or large. While I always get a small for any sandwich that has that option—it's the perfect size, not too big or small—I never have a problem polishing off a large Spicy Rizzak."
(Jan. 13, 2009, Serious Eats: New York, http://newyork.seriouseats.com/2009/01/tinys-giant-sandwich-shop-lower-east-side-nyc-spicy-rizzak-veggies.html)
Made-up citation: "I'm switching to a meat-splosive diet. True, the constant, caveman-esque consumption of meat does pack on a few pounds, but the quarterly combustive kabooms take it right off."
Real citation: "One of my favorite sandwiches is the meat-splosive Spicy Rizzak made of 50% sliced turkey, 25% crispy bacon, and 25% tomato and onion coated in melted cheddar and hot chipotle mayo, all neatly tucked in a soft and crusty, toasted sesame semolina hero roll. It only comes in a large size, unlike most of their other hot sandwiches that come in small or large. While I always get a small for any sandwich that has that option—it's the perfect size, not too big or small—I never have a problem polishing off a large Spicy Rizzak."
(Jan. 13, 2009, Serious Eats: New York, http://newyork.seriouseats.com/2009/01/tinys-giant-sandwich-shop-lower-east-side-nyc-spicy-rizzak-veggies.html)
Made-up citation: "I'm switching to a meat-splosive diet. True, the constant, caveman-esque consumption of meat does pack on a few pounds, but the quarterly combustive kabooms take it right off."
robo-gams
noun. These legs go all the way down to the floor, where they crush the head of a disobedient human swine!
Real citation: "Get a load of those robo-gams!"
(March 1, 2007, CNET, http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-9692855-1.html?tag=mncol;title)
Made-up citation: "At the robotics institute, I learned than only fembots have robo-gams, and they are always 'nice'--even on a femkillbot."
Real citation: "Get a load of those robo-gams!"
(March 1, 2007, CNET, http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-9692855-1.html?tag=mncol;title)
Made-up citation: "At the robotics institute, I learned than only fembots have robo-gams, and they are always 'nice'--even on a femkillbot."
Sunday, January 25, 2009
synergy-y
adj. This word's stock is sure to go up. Can't you feel the synergy?
Real citation: "yes? no? maybe? should i not fill all my slots with weird stuff, or do yall think makin a weird hybrid could work? i thought the mindslaver went good, but im not sure if its overkill. it seemed all synergy-y with time vault tho. thoughts appreciated. :)"
(Oct. 24, 2005, Wizards Community, http://forums.gleemax.com/wotc_archive/index.php/t-524320.html)
Made-up citation: "I have known people with a synergy-y vocabulary, just like Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock. It is frightening. Last time I met one of these folks, I cried and wet myself, two moist responses to pressure that produced no synergy at all."
Real citation: "yes? no? maybe? should i not fill all my slots with weird stuff, or do yall think makin a weird hybrid could work? i thought the mindslaver went good, but im not sure if its overkill. it seemed all synergy-y with time vault tho. thoughts appreciated. :)"
(Oct. 24, 2005, Wizards Community, http://forums.gleemax.com/wotc_archive/index.php/t-524320.html)
Made-up citation: "I have known people with a synergy-y vocabulary, just like Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock. It is frightening. Last time I met one of these folks, I cried and wet myself, two moist responses to pressure that produced no synergy at all."
Saturday, January 24, 2009
dad-blower-upper
noun. An ingrate who means business.
Real citation: "Kate: 'What kind of a person do you think I am?'
Sun: 'Umm, a dad-blower-upper?'"
(Jan. 22, 2009, "5-2: "The Lie" 2009.01.21," Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3181218&view=findpost&p=11272347)
Made-up citation: "I pitched a movie about dads vs. dad-blower-uppers, but I lost out to a script pitting vampire robots against zombie pirates. In my revision, I think I'll make the dads into gay terrorists and the blow-uppy crowd can be pregnant aliens. That should spice things up."
Real citation: "Kate: 'What kind of a person do you think I am?'
Sun: 'Umm, a dad-blower-upper?'"
(Jan. 22, 2009, "5-2: "The Lie" 2009.01.21," Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3181218&view=findpost&p=11272347)
Made-up citation: "I pitched a movie about dads vs. dad-blower-uppers, but I lost out to a script pitting vampire robots against zombie pirates. In my revision, I think I'll make the dads into gay terrorists and the blow-uppy crowd can be pregnant aliens. That should spice things up."
Friday, January 23, 2009
crapstitute
noun. 1. An institute of poor quality. 2. A sex worker who is just ew.
Real citation: "Currently at the crapstitute. About to embark upon a summer of hard work as the ultimate apprentice according to Miss O'Kane. "
(Nikki Armstrong, http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?MemberId=481435240)
Made-up citation: "I attended the finest crapstitutes of higher education, but I learned everything I know about business on the streets, where I fought for my life every day, like a sea kitten out of water."
Real citation: "Currently at the crapstitute. About to embark upon a summer of hard work as the ultimate apprentice according to Miss O'Kane. "
(Nikki Armstrong, http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?MemberId=481435240)
Made-up citation: "I attended the finest crapstitutes of higher education, but I learned everything I know about business on the streets, where I fought for my life every day, like a sea kitten out of water."
that-guy-palooza
noun. Sweet mother Mary on a motorboat, it's that guy!
Real citation: "Valkyrie's That-Guy-Palooza
War movies are That-Guy magnets. (That Guys or Gals are those ubiquitous character actors whose faces you always recognize in bit parts--'oh, it's That Guy!'--but whose names you rarely remember.) It's not surprising--when you have large casts of folks in uniform with the same haircuts, it's important to cast faces with instant character."
(Jan. 8, 2009, Red Blog, http://blog.redbox.com/redblog/2009/01/valkyries-that.html)
Made-up citation: "Everyone is in this movie. I haven't seen such a that-guy-palooza since I left your mom's last night. Did I say that out loud?"
Real citation: "Valkyrie's That-Guy-Palooza
War movies are That-Guy magnets. (That Guys or Gals are those ubiquitous character actors whose faces you always recognize in bit parts--'oh, it's That Guy!'--but whose names you rarely remember.) It's not surprising--when you have large casts of folks in uniform with the same haircuts, it's important to cast faces with instant character."
(Jan. 8, 2009, Red Blog, http://blog.redbox.com/redblog/2009/01/valkyries-that.html)
Made-up citation: "Everyone is in this movie. I haven't seen such a that-guy-palooza since I left your mom's last night. Did I say that out loud?"
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Batman-Begins-ification
noun. The kind of reboot every life needs periodically, like when I went through my own mauve-yet-gritty spandex rebirth in 2001.
Real citation: "I think Tomb Raider really needs a Batman-Begins-ification. Reset the story, show how Lara came to be and give us a story arch about her that is grounded a little more in reality with less magic, monsters and dinosaurs. The stuff that they started to do with Tomb Raider: Legend was good, but could be better. And put some damn clothes on!"
(Jan. 9, 2009, GameCyte, http://www.gamecyte.com/eidos-considering-tomb-raider-reboot-may-make-lara-more-female-friendly)
Made-up citation: "As a doctor, I'm often torn between giving flu shots and performing a complete Batman-Begins-ification on patients. Frankly, in terms of flu prevention, I don't think there's a difference."
Real citation: "I think Tomb Raider really needs a Batman-Begins-ification. Reset the story, show how Lara came to be and give us a story arch about her that is grounded a little more in reality with less magic, monsters and dinosaurs. The stuff that they started to do with Tomb Raider: Legend was good, but could be better. And put some damn clothes on!"
(Jan. 9, 2009, GameCyte, http://www.gamecyte.com/eidos-considering-tomb-raider-reboot-may-make-lara-more-female-friendly)
Made-up citation: "As a doctor, I'm often torn between giving flu shots and performing a complete Batman-Begins-ification on patients. Frankly, in terms of flu prevention, I don't think there's a difference."
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
emo-admiral
noun. A powerful military leader with hilarious emotional problems.
Real citation: "7)And finally, I really wish EJO would dial it down. His scenery chewing in Saul's quarters was both laughable and cringe-worthy. Way, way, way over the top. MM was getting there. I'm tired of Adama, the emo-admiral and Roslin, the misguided, self-loathing victim. People still need them to do their damn jobs--especially now."
(Jan. 18, 2009, "4-11: "Sometimes A Great Notion" 2009.01.16," Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3181094&view=findpost&p=11257798)
Made-up citation: "At admiral school, all the kids used to call me an emo-admiral, just because the changing of the seasons is so beautiful, it makes me sob... And every grain of sand is so precious, it makes me weep... And every marmot is so pungent, it makes me sneeze..."
Real citation: "7)And finally, I really wish EJO would dial it down. His scenery chewing in Saul's quarters was both laughable and cringe-worthy. Way, way, way over the top. MM was getting there. I'm tired of Adama, the emo-admiral and Roslin, the misguided, self-loathing victim. People still need them to do their damn jobs--especially now."
(Jan. 18, 2009, "4-11: "Sometimes A Great Notion" 2009.01.16," Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3181094&view=findpost&p=11257798)
Made-up citation: "At admiral school, all the kids used to call me an emo-admiral, just because the changing of the seasons is so beautiful, it makes me sob... And every grain of sand is so precious, it makes me weep... And every marmot is so pungent, it makes me sneeze..."
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Dr. Pepper-ocracy
noun. And you thought today was an electoral sugar rush.
Real citation: "Chinese Dr. Pepper-ocracy
Check out Chuck Klosterman's review of Chinese Democracy. I can't believe Chinese Democracy actually came out. I honestly thought Axl Rose would die either at the hands of one of his many celebrity enemies (My dark horse pick? A tag team of David Keith and Keith David, working together like Dexter and Miguel Prado), or in some sort of cornrow-induced brain aneurysm. Axl's dying words would have been some combination of the words 'backing,' 'track,' 're-dub,' and 'fucker.'"
(Nov. 23, 2008, Polivision, http://polivision.blogspot.com/2008/11/chinese-dr-pepper-ocracy.html)
Made-up citation: "Political scientists predicting a Dr. Pepper-ocracy by 2020 have been relieved of their duties and urged to lay off the caffeine, for their own sake and that of their children."
Real citation: "Chinese Dr. Pepper-ocracy
Check out Chuck Klosterman's review of Chinese Democracy. I can't believe Chinese Democracy actually came out. I honestly thought Axl Rose would die either at the hands of one of his many celebrity enemies (My dark horse pick? A tag team of David Keith and Keith David, working together like Dexter and Miguel Prado), or in some sort of cornrow-induced brain aneurysm. Axl's dying words would have been some combination of the words 'backing,' 'track,' 're-dub,' and 'fucker.'"
(Nov. 23, 2008, Polivision, http://polivision.blogspot.com/2008/11/chinese-dr-pepper-ocracy.html)
Made-up citation: "Political scientists predicting a Dr. Pepper-ocracy by 2020 have been relieved of their duties and urged to lay off the caffeine, for their own sake and that of their children."
impending-doomy-sounding
adj. Duh-duh-DUH!
Real citation: "Battle Scars – The Chemical Brothers - who’d have thought the Chemical Brothers had another decent album in them? It’s their best one for ages, and I love this impending-doomy-sounding tune in particular, sung by Willy Mason."
(Dec. 17, 2007, http://www.last.fm/user/georgethe23rd/journal/2007/12/17/b63cp_my_top_14_tunes_of_07_and_why)
Made-up citation: "I hate to be all impending-doomy-sounding, but are you sure you remembered to throw those virgins in the volcano? Mount Hot Death looks angry."
Real citation: "Battle Scars – The Chemical Brothers - who’d have thought the Chemical Brothers had another decent album in them? It’s their best one for ages, and I love this impending-doomy-sounding tune in particular, sung by Willy Mason."
(Dec. 17, 2007, http://www.last.fm/user/georgethe23rd/journal/2007/12/17/b63cp_my_top_14_tunes_of_07_and_why)
Made-up citation: "I hate to be all impending-doomy-sounding, but are you sure you remembered to throw those virgins in the volcano? Mount Hot Death looks angry."
Monday, January 19, 2009
vegetable-travaganza
noun. One of the healthiest travaganzas imaginable.
Real citation: "Vegetable-travaganza!
Nothing like a fridge full of fresh vegetables to make one eat more of them! I joined a Community Supported Agriculture farm near my home for the summer and each week I get a share of the farm's current harvest. I did this not only to support a local small organic farm but to ensure that I would EAT MORE VEGETABLES. I admit I have a hard time getting those veggies in."
(May 28, 2008, Livejournal, http://community.livejournal.com/_weightwatchers/2008/05/28/)
Made-up citation: "I don't know what's a bigger vegetable-travaganza: the delicious salad I'm scarfing or the brain-dead bozos I'm scarfing it with. I need to find a new death cult..."
Real citation: "Vegetable-travaganza!
Nothing like a fridge full of fresh vegetables to make one eat more of them! I joined a Community Supported Agriculture farm near my home for the summer and each week I get a share of the farm's current harvest. I did this not only to support a local small organic farm but to ensure that I would EAT MORE VEGETABLES. I admit I have a hard time getting those veggies in."
(May 28, 2008, Livejournal, http://community.livejournal.com/_weightwatchers/2008/05/28/)
Made-up citation: "I don't know what's a bigger vegetable-travaganza: the delicious salad I'm scarfing or the brain-dead bozos I'm scarfing it with. I need to find a new death cult..."
catastrophic underwear failure
noun phrase. An affliction of the undernasties that is too terrible or titillating to behold.
Real citation: "An homage to, or rip-off of, Art Frahm’s pinups of the 1940’s, in this scene our fair maiden has experienced a catastrophic underwear failure. 'Whoops!' she declares, as her failure is made plain to see. Should have fixed that waist band a little tighter…"
(Sept. 1, 2005, Flickr, http://flickr.com/photos/dklo/39408496/)
Made-up citation: "I used to suffer from catastrophic underwear failure. Now I don no less than six pairs of underthings, underthongs, nethergarments, and underoos before getting up in the morning. I like to feel safe."
Real citation: "An homage to, or rip-off of, Art Frahm’s pinups of the 1940’s, in this scene our fair maiden has experienced a catastrophic underwear failure. 'Whoops!' she declares, as her failure is made plain to see. Should have fixed that waist band a little tighter…"
(Sept. 1, 2005, Flickr, http://flickr.com/photos/dklo/39408496/)
Made-up citation: "I used to suffer from catastrophic underwear failure. Now I don no less than six pairs of underthings, underthongs, nethergarments, and underoos before getting up in the morning. I like to feel safe."
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