A study shows that cows with names produce more milk. I’m gonna try the same approach at my orphan labor ranch.
If you’re struggling with your New Year’s diet, try putting ranch dressing on the orphans. It helps.
I'm willing to pay more for American-made orphans.
Tossing helpless puppies and orphans into the ravenous maw of Oprah isn’t a duty—it’s a privilege.
You don’t need religion to be a kind, decent person who barbecues orphans for a living.