This morning, within minutes of hauling my ass out of bed, I made some coffee, freaked out a little when it appeared that Windows XP had died on me again, ran downstairs to get the doorbell, and thought, "Who in the name of pancakes could that be?"
It was a teenage boy in a great suit and a woman who might have been his mother, and she said, "We'd like to talk to you about the Bible." I instinctively said, "Sorry, I'm not interested" but that's a lie. In fact, I'm so interested in the word "Bible" that it's my word of the day.
What a fun, versatile word. If you love the Bible and want to let everyone know, you might be a Bible-pounder, a Bible-banger, a Bible-thumper, a Bible-puncher, a Bible-slapper, a Bible-beater, a Bible-basher, a Bible-flogger, a Bible-humper, or a Bible-hugger. Those are all real words, folks, and if I were a Bible, I'd just say uncle now. Unless I were a masochist, and then I'd say, "Yes!"
I'm also very fond of the expression "in the Biblical sense"--that is, in the pounding, sweaty, groiny, porny, hoo-hoo-dilly-in-the-cha-cha sense. I wonder if the two Bible-bangers/door-pounders knew each other in the Biblical sense?
"Biblical proportions" is kind of a cool term too, and it's very useful in sentences like, "This double bacon cheeseburger is of Biblical proportions!"
And our friend Homer Simpson will have the last word on The Word. In response to some parental responsibility or whatever, he once uttered these beautiful words: "As the Bible says, screw that!"
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