It tastes like a stalk of nothing.
It’s not a carrot.
It’s not a cookie.
It tastes like looking into the abyss feels.
It’s a terrorist.
It’s numerical equivalent is .00000000000000000010001.
It hates America.
It is green nothingness.
It’s not even that green.
It adds nothing, subtracts nothing, multiplies nothing, and divides nothing. It is nothing.
The opposite of celery is boobs.
In the Garden of Eden, the “snake” that ruined everything was really celery.
Many cultures call celery “the devil’s dong.”
Celery violates the Geneva Conventions.
Celery has one ball, like Hitler.