Saturday, May 31, 2008

mindfuckologist

noun. A trained and licensed fornicator of heads.

Real citation: “I did a job for a psychologist today...he bought me a cafe' mocha...with ice, not bad. He was tense as hell though. Too many years being a mindfuckologist.”
(March 2, 2004, http://groups.google.com/group/alt.clearing.technology/msg/a0a07453909322ee)

Made-up citation: “Tonight, a mindfuckologist and an exorcist face off: Who can get the most demons, anxieties, and mildew out of the membranes of innocent people and pets? Will the exorcism tongs or the neurospork prevail?”

Friday, May 30, 2008

spokesnutjob

noun. Someone who talks, perhaps to say “Thou despicable spatula!” on behalf of a chagrinned whisk.

Real citation: “Charlton Heston died, and people around the globe are asking the big question: 'He didn't die a long time ago?' That might not be entirely fair, because the NRA spokesnutjob has been in the news and even periodically cropped up in various places, like a cameo appearance in full monkey make-up for the 2001 remake of Planet of the Apes. But since this is a movie-minded blog, I decided a tribute is in order.”
(April 11, 2008, BloggingSolo, http://bloggingsolo.blogspot.com/2008/04/charlton-hestons-cold-dead-hands.html)

Made-up citation: “A good public speaker should pursue a career as a comedian, announcer, spokesnutjob, or politician. Unfortunately, few positions are available in academia or prophesy.”

horsy-hung

adj. When getting Biblical, many are comical, yet some are horsical. We call those proud few heroes. Or horses.

Real citation: “Never to be outdone by Jennifer Aniston, hubby-stealing harpy/humanitarian Angelina Jolie let it slip that she's pregnant with twins. Reportedly due on August 19, these will be the fifth and sixth children for Angie and Jen's ex-hubby Brad Pitt. Asked if this news bothered her, Aniston paused from staring at her horsy-hung boytoy to say, ‘Neigghhh!’ (Sorry... it can't be helped.)”
(Ann Romano, May 22, 2008, “One Day at a Time,” The Portland Mercury, http://www.portlandmercury.com/portland/Content?category=22175)

Made-up citation: “In the dog park, there is a horsy-hung fluffball who brings shame to his owner, pride to his ancestors, and pants-pooping fear to his humpees.”

Thursday, May 29, 2008

nanodoodle

noun. A little less than nano-diddly; a little more than nano-squat.

Related terms: nano-bionic-whateverization, nano-cylo-std, nano-destructo-mat, nano-douche-bot, nanomajig, nanopoop, nanoschlong, nanosomethingorother, nano-souled, nanotesticles, nano-wand of love.

Real citation: “We can only see things that are reflected by a very narrow band of wavelengths, and then, only things that are within our field of vision. The things have to be large enough, facing us, distinguishable from the background, and on the surface. And we can never see them as they are, but only as they were, with a delay set by the speed of light. That’s very quick I grant you, but you could be looking into deep space, and even if you’re not, you get the point: even if the delay is only a nanodoodle, you’re still slightly behind the times.”
(David Staume, 2006, Modern Philosophy, http://www.modernphilosophy.com/making_sense_of_senses.htm)

Made-up citation: “A life can be ruined in a nanodoodle—but only with a really, really fast life-ruining device.”

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

hackcough*yeahright*cough

interjection. An unringing endorsement.

Real citation: “Oh, one other thing... I know Abhrams supposedly *hackcough*yeahright*cough had the ending planned from the beginning, but Vaughn should have stayed dead. After getting shot point-black with a machine gun, he pops back up in the last few eps just to provide the overly cheesy happy resolution.”
(Shadownight, May 22, 2006, “5-16/5-17: "Reprisal"/"All the Time in the World" 2006.05.22,” Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3141076&view=findpost&p=5321351)

Made-up citation: “During debates, Presidential candidates should avoid sarcastic outbursts (such as hackcough*yeahright*cough) and gross displays (such as bazooka barfing, which is unseemly and can ruin Anderson Cooper’s hair)."

ultra-mega-kaboom

adj. A high level of kaboomitude, with extra pow and bam.

Real citation: “That would explain it—from an insane narrator, you might expect epic self-pitying soliloquy, skipping over awkward but important details while fleshing out pointless tangents. That could justify this relentless barrage of 'me, me, me, me' back-story tucked in between the improbable ultra-mega-kaboom battle scenes and oh-so po-mo space-western movie dialogue of the 'present' thread.”
(Paul Raven, Feb. 11, 2008, Strange Horizons, http://www.strangehorizons.com/reviews/2008/02/debatable_space.shtml)

Made-up citation: “My mind went ultra-mega-kaboom when I learned the truth about dinosaurs. Apparently, they're birds. What's next? Are werewolves cats? Are congressrodents human? Is nothing sacred?"

Monday, May 26, 2008

torturetorium

noun. The freedomiest room of the house—even more American than the panic room and the snake pit.

Real citation: “Man, don't these people know from experience that you should never run a diagnostics check when you have a high-value target in your torturetorium?”
(Spaz Cadet, Nov. 18, 2005, “5-7: "Fait Accompli" 2005.11.17,” Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3133044&view=findpost&p=4008896)

Made-up citation: “For me, the American dream must include home ownership. I require a spacious abode, complete with a pool for the neighborhood kids and a torturetorium for the neighborhood evildoers.”

thongageddon

noun. The end of the world begins with a crack.

Real citation: “Millions of men watch a handful of men wrestle handfuls of other men every week. So what happens if you take the time-tested idea of the WWE and make it a girl-on-girl thongageddon? Why, there would be rioting in the streets, that's what. But for whatever reason, the sexed up rasslin' in Rumble Roses failed to move men the way sweaty men make them move.”
(Brett Elston, GamesRadar, http://www.gamesradar.com/pc/f/the-top-7-games-so-bad-they-had-to-add-breasts/a-20070511155521630018/g-2006032219817514003)

Made-up citation: “When the thongageddon comes, only the unthonged will remain on earth. The thongful will ascend to heaven, where they’ll be giggled at by cherubs and sentenced to clean the poo of all the dead animals in history, with nary a pooper-scooper to be found.”

Marysploitation

noun. Mother Mary on a slice of toast! This film genre is offensive to fans of the blessed virgin and toast.

Real citation: “This tarted-up treasure also manages some nifty Jesusploitation, Marysploitation and Godsploitation plus a bit of babysploitation and Spartacusploitation to wrap things up. (I think this is some kind of record.)”
(Oct. 2, 2006, Guru, http://guru.greencine.com/archives/2006/10/story_of_a_cloi.html)

Made-up citation: “For Memorial Day, I’m either watching the new Indiana Jones or a Marysploitation marathon. Anything to save me from another ferret fashion show in Aunt Edna’s private quarters.”

bonkerization

noun. A squirrelly-making process that may create a nutsopath and require the careful use of a psychomajiggy.

Real citation: “Recently they began coming over and giving Chuck treats every day, which is fundamentally good for their relationship because Chuck loves treats and people who give him treats. Actually, scratch that. Chuck doesn't love treats; he's BONKERS for treats, and he attacks treat givers with bonkerly love. This bonkerization is fundamentally bad for his relationship with Harry and Ella because now when he sees them coming he can't control his flailing, beast-limbs and he runs and clobbers them. And they fall over. And scream.”
(Heather B. Armstrong, Dooce, Aug. 22, 2004, http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily/08_22_2004.html)

Made-up citation: “The progressive bonkerization of a loved one is sad to watch, yet fun to say.”

Sunday, May 25, 2008

psychomajiggy

noun. A doodad with psychological functions, implications, or tassels.

Real citation: “You're eating puddings && I miss you. =[ Come back soon yeah like now We need to talk about this psychomajiggy thing mehehe xo”
(March 16, 2007, http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=128871214)

Made-up citation: “Every trained therapist needs a prescription pad and a psychomajiggy; an Olympic-sized pool of grain alcohol complete with floaties and a bartender/lifeguard will also come in handy.”

Friday, May 23, 2008

non-mustache-having

adj. Betwixt nose and lip, a hairless void.

Real citation: “McRichington: Well, you see... *looks from side to side to see if anyone is listening* this isn't a real mustache. I've been wearing it for years now and it's required amongst us rich folk or else we have to pay a very large non-mustache-having fee that's almost my entire estate. If anyone found out that it was a fake, I'd be ruined!”
(Dec. 8, 2007, Gamehiker Forums, http://www.gamehiker.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=2949&sid=b69282b93a63203f5e805e75e5b48d49)

Made-up citation: “I’m sorry, sir, but non-mustache-having gentlemen are not welcome: A jacket and pornstache—at the very least, a moleststache—are required.”

robo-aardvark-man

noun. Half-man, half-metal, half-aardvark, three-quarters goofy.

Real citation: “This talk of hooks makes me scratch my head a bit - an adventure or a campaign arc requires a hook, not a setting. It's like saying that a stage and props should have a ‘hook’. If you mean gimmickry like ‘look how I've replaced magic with psionics’ or ‘look at my robo-aardvark-man PC race’, then I doubt we're on the same page, but that's the majority view of what a campaign setting should be about, seemingly.”
(July 16, 2006, ENWorld, http://www.enworld.org/archive/index.php/t-168641.html)

Made-up citation: “When I grow up, I will be a proud robo-aardvark-man. Until then, I’ll be a humble stem-cell cluster, with a Petri dish on the first shelf and a dream.“

Thursday, May 22, 2008

hench-commissioner

noun. A minion commonly found under the commissioner—not literally, gutter-brain—committing commissioner-approved acts, both fair and foul.

Related terms: henchboobs, henchbreasts, hench-bunny-men, henchchicken, henchdoofus, henchdork, henchgoat, henchgoon, henchho, henchmoron, henchnoncorporeal being, henchscum.

Real citation: “So NBA hench-commissioner Adam Silver begins pulling the team-logo placards out of the envelopes amid the overwhelming silence and TV-studio ambient buzz. The dominant sound, in fact, is the scraping of the placards against the inside of the envelopes as he pulls each one out. Is this great TV or what!”
(King Kaufman, May 21, 2008, Salon, http://www.salon.com/sports/daily/?last_story=/sports/daily/feature/2008/05/21/lottery/)

Made-up citation: "Current Batman scholarship views the so-called 'dark avenger' as a mere hench-commissioner, a naive tool of Commissioner Gordon's problematic, hegemonic police state. Meanwhile, Robin's bulging spandex is another site of Foucaultian struggle."

public-restroomy

adj. Pee? Check. Poo? Check. Unidentifiable, nose-melting ick? Mega-check. And everyone’s invited.

Real citation: “The good ones smell musty. Most of the rest smell a bit more… public-restroomy.”
(Oct. 24, 2006, http://blog.adonis.net/?p=31)

Made-up citation: “Why must every Dunkin’ Donuts retain the same public-restroomy, bus-station-esque vibe? Their coffee is the best, but their atmosphere is the suck. The jury’s out on the color scheme.”

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

eroto-depresso

noun. Ooh-la-oh-why-bother.

Real citation: “Memory is the sole place where the movie has been lodged because it is virtually impossible to obtain (last time I looked, there was a VHS copy on Amazon being offered for $175) and is seldom if ever screened, though it would make a perfect companion piece with My Dinner with Andre for a double bill at some revival house or imaginative forum such as Philoctetes. Perhaps the to-do over Tyson will liberate The Big Bang from unjust obscurity and allow it to be discovered by a fresh generation of film buffs and eroto-depressos.”
(James Wolcott, May 20, 2008, http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/blogs/wolcott/2008/05/vanity-fair-is.html)

Made-up citation: “I never related well to the eroto-depressos of the world, with their sad eyes and ebullient groins. I think I’m too goofo-doofo.”

Thorliness

noun. God-of-Thunder-like. Aye, verily!

Real citation: “Can I renounce godlinesses that are emphatically lower-case?I mean, it sounds fun to renounce Zeusliness and Thorliness. Well, maybe not so much Thorliness. I mean, throwing hammers just sounds cool.....”
(Nov. 10, 2005, Subtle Cacophony, http://www.xanga.com/CabraEnano/383312340/item.html?nextdate=last)

Made-up citation: “I’d vote for the candidate with the most Thorliness, but this quality is hard to measure—and I wouldn’t trust any politician with a dirty spatula, much less a mystical hammer.”

relationshipistic

adj. Relationshipular.

Real citation: “(OK...is that akin to being bad, even if one enjoys being a hermit?!? What if so-called pain and so-called suffering are mere communistic, socialistic, fascistic, and/or personal relationshipistic dualistic terms that far too many humans use to describe hermits?)”
(Nov. 30, 2006, Big Lizards, http://biglizards.net/blog/archives/2006/11/money_its_a_cri.html)

Made-up citation: “Read my new book on all that is relationshipistic: Men Are Like Bats; Women Are Like Birds—But Some Fembots Are Like Angels.”

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

befuddlitude

noun. Look deep into the vacant eyes of a confuddled citizen, and this ye shall find, plus some rocks.

Real citation: “i'm not sure how you've read it and am therefore confused about your bewildement, bewildered by your befuddlitude, and befuddled as to your confusion.”
(May 18, 2005, http://freekfactory.tribe.net/m/thread/99d6d79e-5fb0-492d-913b-108fd5d8ba2a)

Made-up citation: “In almost every area of life, I am lost in befuddlitude. But when it’s that magical time of year, and my family is doing meerkat exorcisms in the gazebo, I feel at home.”

dumbassectomy

noun. The surgical removal of a dumbass from a dumbwaiter. Or whatever.

Real citation: “It was having a routine dumbassectomy.”
(Jan. 17, 2006, The Daily Whim, http://photodude.com/2006/01/17/jason-explaining-a-server-problem)

Made-up citation: “I like to think of this election season as a long, luxurious, national dumbassectomy that we should have had years ago. It feels glorious, like a sugar-gold rainbow. I'm getting a butt massage next.”

phlegmometer

noun. A precise instrument for measuring the body’s fifth grossest byproduct.

Real citation: “Sort of a phlegmometer?”
(http://forum.downsizer.net/viewtopic.php?t=26208&start=0)

Made-up citation: “I get the willies if I’m away from all writing instruments. I have a compulsive need to write. Me without a pen or computer is like a doctor without a phlegmometer, sphygmomanometer, or spork.”

Monday, May 19, 2008

Godcomplexzilla

noun. Look at me! Ruler of the universe! I can turn ferrets into pharaohs and bad beer into good beer! Poof! Whack! Quack! Hoo!

Real citation: “Anyone who raises a hand and speaks knows that there will be a response from the professor, and a response from Godcomplexzilla - and not necessarily in that order. I never offer my opinion in class anyway, but I used to just sit there in amusement while everyone else fantasized about the loudmouth's spectacular and well-deserved demise. And now I'm just tired of all of it.”
(Sept. 24, 2007, Unread Nonsense, http://pretentiousname.blogspot.com/2007_09_01_archive.html)

Made-up citation: “I earned the title of Godcomplexzilla where it counts: in the bubble bath. No rubber duck is safe, and even the mildew prays for mercy.”

hinkstivity

noun. Hinkitude; hinkiness; hinkage; hinkery; hinkosity; gag me with whatever is handy.

Real citation: “And was anyone else hinked out to the ultimate degree of hinkstivity by Gaeta’s surgery scene? Gak!”
(badkitty1969, May 16, 2008, “4-07: "Guess What's Coming To Dinner?" 2008.05.15,” Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3172930&st=15)

Made-up citation: “Sometimes when my dog barfs and tries to eat the chunks, I feel like hurling. He’d probably wolf that barf too. Oh, the hinkstivity!”

gazillionish

adj. Metric buttloady.

Real citation: “I'd also give a round of virtual applause to Jenni who probably in a two day span did somewhere in the gazillionish number of bottom position movements of squat, deadlift, clean, and about an hour straight of the snatch. She had a nametag that said Jelli the first day that had to be foreshadowing of her current leg condition. You are a great example Jelli of great form.”
(April 7, 2008, Cross Fit, http://www.crossfit.com/mt-archive2/003465.html)

Made-up citation: “On the gazillionish day, God invented the Scottish sushi burrito enema. Power plus boredom is dangerous.”

Sunday, May 18, 2008

paleo-whatsit-doohickey-phallic-device

noun. An old dildo?

Real citation: “That what gets me about Jodorwsky. His style is so very different from book to book. White Lama almost seems like it was written by a different person than his Paleo-whatsit-doohickey-phallic-device books. I have almost zero complaints about his writing there. There's some iffy dialogue in places, but its still better than Metabarons, Technopriests and the Incal in that regard.”
(Feb. 14, 2005, Comixfan Forums, http://www.comixfan.com/xfan/forums/showpost.php?p=968518&postcount=16)

Made-up citation: “If you don’t hand over the paleo-whatsit-doohickey-phallic-device, I’ll deputize this squirrel. Then I’ll be three deputies short of a lacrosse team, and your scheme will be foiled, Dr. Vargas!”

Saturday, May 17, 2008

nyah-nyah-diddly-dang-duddly-doo

interjection. Because on certain occasions, nyah-nyah has insufficient nyah.

Real citation: “(You just wait till Devanagari script becomes part of the ASCII code. Then I'll really party. No translate tools for you either! Nyah-nyah-diddly-dang-duddly-doo!)”
(Jan. 15, 2006, http://www.houseofleaves.com/forum/archive/index.php/t-4200.html)

Made-up citation: “Between doctor visits, I lost 31 pounds. I had two comments for my physician: ‘Nyah-nyah-diddly-dang-duddly-doo' and ‘In your medicinal face!’”

Friday, May 16, 2008

pooageddon

noun. A number-two-fest that is heinous, calamitous, disastrous, world-ending, and grody.

Real citation: “Simon's twin is a fellow blogger who writes about the exploits of his own twins, and pooageddon was his word for a particularly explosive outbreak of diarrhoea. Tom has had diarrhoea today. I won't write too much about it - its so horrible for him.”
(June 2, 2005, Carer’s Blog, http://suescaringdiary.blogspot.com/2005/06/pooageddon.html)

Made-up citation: “As a summer camp counselor for disabled children, I lived through six poopschlops, three pooageddons, and one pooapalooza of Biblical proportions.”

releperization

noun. A process by which innocent, former lepers return to a world of ick that I hope to hell is metaphorical.

Real citation: “consider yourself a candidate for releperization.”
(Dec. 8, 2005, http://www.cross-x.com/vb/showthread.php?t=957637)

Made-up citation: “Health care and involuntary releperization are the pillars of my platform. I also enjoy death in all forms.”

Thursday, May 15, 2008

preposterlicious

adj. This is poppycock and tommyrot and baldercrap! And I like it!

Real citation: “What a preposterlicious resurrection of this most preposterously preposterous thread.”
(Jan. 7, 2006, http://www.nonemoreworthless.com/worthless_forums/index.php?showtopic=39&st=20&start=20)

Made-up citation: “Faith is a personal matter to me. I don’t like talking about it. But when I do, I’m sure to mention a preposterlicious mix of Norse gods, rabid leprechauns, farm-fresh ectoplasmgasms, house-trained werewolves, and inner peace. Selah booyah.”

leertastic

adj. Describes a viewing technique often accompanied by drool and squick.

Real citation: “That's only one corner of the original image. In the part of the picture that's cut out, if I recall correctly, Nall is sitting on the floor. Several of the pictures had both Twisty and Nall in them; if Twisty wasn't giving leertastic stares at Nall, he's giving that thousand-yard stare.”
(May 25, 2007, Portal of Evil Forums, http://friends.portalofevil.com/sp.php?si=3&fi=000011827&ti=1000713912&pi=1000713970)

Made-up citation: “A controversial new study shows men are more leertastic, violent, and male than women.”

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

brass-ballsitude

noun. A first cousin of giant-ballsitude, testicular fortitude, and balls-of-steel-osity.

Real citation: “During that same campaign, Puller would once again prove his brass-ballsitude by going above and beyond the call of duty in the name of kicking every ass he could find.”
(Badass of the Week, http://www.badassoftheweek.com/puller.html)

Made-up citation: "This job requires moxie, grit, chutzpah, and brass-ballsitude. If you know where to find a calzone that’s not too fattening, that’s a plus."

mega-doofy

adj. Used to describe hipster doofi and anyone with a doof quotient over .67 doofles.

Real citation: “Synopsis: Bonnevie bares bonnie boobies and side nudity as she and a dude wearing a mega-doofy cloak join giblets on the floor. (33 seconds)”
(Mr. Skin, http://www.mrskin.com/title/sceneguide/9578/I_Am_Dina)

Made-up citation: “Which would you prefer: A mystical, mega-doofy monkey god or a notorious, non-doofy nether-nunnery? Answer carefully, my son!”

half-boobedly

adv. A mono-breasted approach.

Real citation: “I ran across this blog today and wholeheartedly agree with it. Anyone else agree? Even half heartedly? What about half-boobedly?”
(May 10, 2005, http://www.madville.com/journals.php?id=4187&vote=1)

Made-up citation: “When life gets you down, and you feel sad, and even your fembot army is terrorizing the countryside half-boobedly, try a Dunkin’ Donuts coffee: now with sugar, crack, and sugared crack.”

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

mwah-fucking-ha

interjection. A more sinister form of tee-hee and hyuk-yuk.

Real citation: “wanna listen to someone bitch? Go ahead read it and all its bitchyness glory! Mwah-fucking-HA!”
(http://self-indulgent.blogspot.com/2004_04_11_archive.html)

Made-up citation: “I’m not prone to gloating or mwah-fucking-ha-ha-ing. I prefer a tasteful celebration of victory, in my crystal palace with a vat of liquid gold and a shiny new celebubot.”

dogenfreude

noun. Malicious joy that is bow-wow in nature.

Real citation: “probably wondering when you are going to get something stuck into or rammed up your backside. That would be dogenfreude I think”
(March 19, 2008, Sports Frog, http://www.sportsfrog.com/swamp/viewtopic.php?p=515883&sid=94eded0928e04e227a463f37bde30586)

Made-up citation: “Coyotes and dingos feel great dogenfreude at the embarrassing lives of domestic pooches—though many secretly long for a poo-carrying, thumb-having, planet-wrecking hairless ape of their own.”

craposcopic

adj. A non-smell method of shit detection I asked my ophthalmologist about today.

Real citation: “You do indeed have smart kids, K. They're developing your super power: craposcopic vision. The ability to spot crap from some distance away.”
(March 15, 2006, http://blevkog.blogspot.com/2006/03/and-now-latest-sign-of-apocalypse.html)

Made-up citation: “During election years I lend out my craposcopic gizmometer, which leaks corrosive acid when overstimulated.”

Monday, May 12, 2008

Uncle Inappropriate-ness

noun. A quality possessed in bucketloads by Alias’ Arvin Sloane and hordes of other dudes. Nieces and nephews not required.

Real citation: “The scene where Syd is talking about the 'Uncle Inappropriate-ness' of how Sloane looks at her. So great."
(katiegirl, April 20, 2005, “4-16: "Another Mister Sloane" 2005.04.20,” Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3126010&view=findpost&p=2815949)

Made-up citation: “McCain is too old, Obama is too young, and Hillary is too female. Thus, Uncle Inappropriate-ness will not be a factor during the 2008 election, according to my uncle.”

kaboomology

noun. The science that makes boom and bam and kerpow and kablooey and ouch.

Real citation: “I'm not a forensic expert with a PhD in Glock kaboomology so I understand your position that I'm full of sh**.”
(Jan. 29, 2007, Blue Line Forums, http://forums.blueline.ca/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=10378&start=30)

Made-up citation: “Kaboomology cannot explain the Big Bang, but it does offer many important theories on how my brother nuked the garage.”

semi-asshat-free

adj. Partially lacking members of a segment of the ass family that is closely related to the proud assmunch, the common asshole, the filthy assmonger, and the redundant assbutt.

Real citation: “I can't vouch for myself, though, since because I feel that anything good I say about myself would be regarded as BS. And I also think that 1 entrant/3 months is a bit low, but I do agree it helps keep the population low and at least semi-asshat free.”
(April 16, 2005, http://forums.kingdomofloathing.com:8080/vb/archive/index.php/t-95166.html)

Made-up citation: “The law can make a bar smoke-free, but only the combined might of Odin and my death-cookie can make the tri-state area semi-asshat-free or better.”

Sunday, May 11, 2008

footsploitation

adj. Like nunsploitation, but the naughty, nubile sisters have been replaced with naughty, nubile footsies.

Real citation: “A Toetally Solefull Feeture Pedsintation (Martha Colburn, 1999, USA, Super 8-to-video, color, sound, 4 min.) A fetishistic celebration of the world of the foot. Toe-sucking baboons, Napoleon, erotic steeplechasing, and much more in this over the top footsploitation film.”
(Nov. 17, 2001, http://www.mixnyc.org/2001/heavy.shtml)

Made-up citation: “Spring brings chirping birds in flight and women’s toes on display. So many toesies! It’s like the whole world is a footsploitation double feature, and I’m a pervert who snuck into the theater with a bag of Twizzlers and a dream.”

Friday, May 09, 2008

great-grandcritter

noun. Critter of my critter, spawn of my spawn, waffle of my batter! Ew.

Real citation: “Whenever I get bored doing tank inversions I just remind myself that if properly cared for these images could last for centuries. My great-grandcritter may one day take these negatives in their archival sleeves and binders and with ten dollars worth of hardware and chemistry make contact prints that ‘seemed taken yesterday.’”
(Aaron Reece, July 16, 2004, http://homepage.mac.com/fwstutterheim/rugarchives/2004-07/01063.html)

Made-up citation: “I’m saving this goliath bird-eating spider from extinction, and I’m not doing it for you. I’m not doing it for me--or our great-grandcritters. I’m doing it for the blonde on Scrubs, who is freaking gorgeous.”

henchgoat

noun. A lot in life slightly more respected than scapegoat, goat-ball-licker, and lobbyist.

Related terms: henchboobs, henchbreasts, hench-bunny-men, henchchicken, henchdoofus, henchdork, henchgoon, henchho, henchmoron, henchnoncorporeal being, henchscum.

Real citation: “Thank you for the promotion, I shall endeavor to do my utmost to fufill your every need before you even know you need it. However, in order to perform these tasks you have assigned me and in light of my new position as 'Supervisory Henchgoat', I would like to request the ability to hire a few under-henchlings to assist me in my day to day duties. By providing me with four (4) under-henchlings I would be able to continue plan cunning traps and devious plots (see Tasks #23, 48, 56-97, and 103; attached), while using my under-henchlings to maintain and execute (if the need arises for wonton death) future activities.
(Oct. 25, 2005, unitedHeroes.net, http://www.unitedheroes.net/forums/viewtopic.php?p=5119&sid=c4673e995a10e3157eef86bb1c0df309)

Made-up citation: “Since we replaced the henchgoat with an intern, the farmers are disgruntled, the eggs are runny, and the farmer’s daughter has foresworn our haystack love!”

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

barfitudinous

adj. Oopschlop time is here.

Real citation: “The governments of the world have united in the belief the best agricultural policy is to provide lots and lots of barfitudinous foodstuffs as cheap as possible to the consumer with the minimum amount of labor.”
(Nov. 14, 2007, European Tribune, http://www.eurotrib.com/comments/2007/11/14/14621/880/26)

Made-up citation: “When I think about reality shows based on singing or dancing, I feel cold and dead and barfitudinous. However, I would consider watching Nipple-tweaking With the Stars or American Defenestrator."

dickweedhood

noun. Dickweeditude’s hooded cohort.

Real citation: “BSL's take on CHB was a wonderful anecdotal representation of CHB's dickweedhood. A Dickweedhood that many have suspected but few have been exposed to up close and personal. I believe I am going to start sucking up to her too.
(March 27, 2007, Sons of Sam Horn, http://sonsofsamhorn.net/index.php?s=55bb8eb25a130a7af9c96b7e2dffb4cc&showtopic=16732&pid=688664&st=120&#entry688664)

Made-up citation: “Every time I think therapy, mediation, family, and horse tranquilizers have lifted me above the depths of dickweedhood, I remember that you can take the dick out of the weed, but you can’t take the mouse out of the shithouse.”

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

insta-poopy-in-yur-panties

noun. A fast-developing situation in which it is difficult to remain suave.

Real citation: “Thanks for setting that up! It looks amazing...and take Daeg's advice...do NOT play doom3 until its dark out and you can either turn that sound system up to 11 or put on a nice set of headphones...insta-poopy-in-yur-panties!”
(Aug. 14, 2004, Notebook Forums, http://www.notebookforums.com/thread36883.html)

Made-up citation: “I wish I had a gun I could set to insta-poopy-in-yur-panties, self-pollution-o-rama, or kill.”

non-whoa

adj. Whoa is me!

Real citation: “NO SPAM PHOTOS! Do not post non-whoa stuff, like photos of the drummer from INXS.”
(Nov. 11, 2005, http://www.geocaching.com/track/details.aspx?id=176391)

Made-up citation: “I’m not depressed, but I am in a non-whoa, non-woo-hoo, non-yay, minimally yippee phase of life in which I rarely become vertical. But at least I’m not depressed!”

hohohoish

adj. Yuletidy and stuff.

Real citation: “Ceva lipseste these CISmas days… Nu ma simt jolly and hohohoish…With all the christmasy atmosphere around me, I still feel incomplete… Like there’s so much to do but it’s pointless to do it cuz there’s no mood for it. Or I dunno… I guess I can find reasons inside of me, but they’ve always been there and I’ve always managed to ignore them. Why can’t I be an ignorant tonight as well, why can’t I?”
(Dec. 26, 2007, Communication Jazz, http://hatesmthchangesmth.wordpress.com/2007/12/)

Made-up citation: “My red and white wardrobe isn’t meant to be hohohoish. Those are the spring colors of my death cult.”

Cylonicide

noun. A Cylon killed a Cylon. It’s enough to make a George Foreman grill weep.

Real citation: “While the idea of a Cylon civil war might be a bit too far out to land on the BSG writers’ dradus, I suspect the idea of a Cylon actually completely killing another Cylon isn’t. Considering how big a deal the rock-to-the-head became, how will they respond to a real Cylonicide?”
(Oct. 11, 2006, Galactica Watercooler, http://www.galacticawatercooler.com/2006/10/11/shooting-a-fellow-cylon-in-the-head-a-slap-in-the-face/)

Made-up citation: “Senator, since you’re pro-life, can we assume you’re anti-Cylonicide? And how do you feel about the forced shaving of Wookies?”

Monday, May 05, 2008

doucheteria

noun. Even a douchewad’s gotta eat.

Real citation: “We stopped at the Westmark Inn to eat. I remembered the Westmark in Skagway as a grade-A doucheteria, with mediocre food and obnoxious people, but this one was mostly empty. As we pored over our menus, Mike and I realized that we hadn’t eaten at all since lunch at the Bayview the previous day. We had been running entirely on adrenaline and never thought to eat. Now, though, we were starving.”
(Clarence Wethern, Sept. 27, 2007, http://www.clarencewethern.com/2007/10/10/alaskan-adventure/)

Made-up citation: “You may think my kitchen is a doucheteria. But the truth is far worse!”

spatularity

noun. A quality found in every spatula, the utensil that is closest to God.

Real citation: “The spatularity of this thread is in the processation of rising paralellogically to its dangerousity.”
(Feb. 13, 2008, Board 2, http://acmlm.no-ip.org/board/thread.php?id=3263)

Made-up citation: “I like the way you think. Your ideas are original and spherical, with a resonant spatularity. I also like eggs.”

Sunday, May 04, 2008

glycoli-schmancy-hydroxo-crapological

adj. Do I look like a glycoli-schmancy-hydroxo-crapologist?

Real citation: “If glycoli-schmancy-hydroxo-crapological facials are not your scene, this down-to-earth, inexpensive, Canadian hiking resort may be for you.”
(Marjorie Ingall, 1999, Fit Magazine, http://www.hiking.com/abus_phil_publ_fitm.htm)

Made-up citation: “If you won’t tell us where the hostages are, we will take steps. Glycoli-schmancy-hydroxo-crapological steps! Look it up in the Patriot Act, bucko.”

Saturday, May 03, 2008

fine-diddly-fucking-whatever

interjection. “Whatever” got angry. And passive-aggressive. And big-syllabled.

Real citation: “Herk's class is going just fine-diddly-fucking-whatever, Mother. Stop asking me questions. Yes, I have a B. Does that surprise you? Oh, really? Hmm. Well, it didn't surprise me, but then again I don't call myself stupid and retarded on a fucking basis."
(Jan. 23, 2008, sephichen, http://sephichen.livejournal.com/2049.html)

Made-up citation: “When my wife replaced ‘I do’ with ‘fine-diddly-fucking-whatever’ in our wedding vows, I knew I’d found my soul-diddly-fucking-mate. Do not judge me.”

Thursday, May 01, 2008

dunderheaditude

noun. A condition of the head that is highly correlated with being dumb as a box of rocks.

Real citation: “I also think Wooing is related to the crowd behavior I used to see when I was a music critic. By that I mean rampant dunderheaditude, usually (but not always) caused by the ingestion of large quantities of grain-based beverages.”
(Mike Redmond, June 14, 2007, The Southside Times, http://s41171.gridserver.com/?p=172#more-172)

Made-up citation: “I have had it! You think my dunderheaditude is because I’m a guy. Well, maybe it’s just part of who I am, along with my reverse moral fiber.”

footbathage

noun. Happy tootsies! Happy tootsies!

Real citation: “I watched (and re-watched) pretty closely, and I didn't see any actual footbathage, but I choose to believe that's why he was sitting on the couch with his pants rolled up and shoes off.”
(animal dreams, April 17, 2008, “4-10: "The Chairmodel" 2008.04.17,” Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3171306&view=findpost&p=10125325)

Made-up citation: “After some footbathage and a full body honey glaze, I’m ready for romance or the challenges of the global financial markets.”