Friday, February 24, 2006

sex-upedness

noun. The quality and essence of something that has been royally pumped full of crass sexual appeal, not unlike a blow-up doll. Pardon me, I've just been informed the preferred term is "Inflatable American."

Related terms: all-wrapped-upedness, backed-upedness, beat-upedness, blowing-upedness, blow-upedness, bottom-upedness, broken-upedness, built-upedness, bundled-upedness, bung-upedness, busted-upedness, catch-upedness, caught-upedness, chalked-upedness, charged-upedness, choked-upedness, chopped-upedness, cooped-upedness, crack-upedness, cuddled-upedness, dipfucked-upedness, fed-upedness, fired-upedness, fucked-upedness, fuck-upedness, funked-upedness, gear-upedness, grown-upedness, hard-upedness, high-upedness, hooked-upedness, hooking-upedness, hung-upedness, hyped-upedness, jacked-upedness, knocked-upedness, made-upedness, mashing-upedness, messed-upedness, mix-upedness, mocked-upedness, not-waking-upedness, one-upedness, pent-upedness, pop-upedness, power-upedness, psyched-upedness, puffed-upedness, pump-upedness, put-upedness, riled-upedness, ripped-upedness, runner-upedness, screwed-upedness, screw-upedness, serious-fucked-upedness, shut-upedness, stirred-upedness, stuck-upedness, stuffed-upedness, suckin’upedness, suck-upedness, total-fucked-upedness, un-made-upedness, warmed-upedness, washed-upedness, wash-upedness, woken-upedness, wound-upedness.

Real citation: "The basic rule of interpreting remade movies is to start with the insistence that the original is better while subvocally recognizing the better pacing and sex-upedness of the Hollywood remake."
(nanio, Jan. 23, 2006, http://64.233.179.104/search?q=cache:Jx7IRdSm3EwJ:www.quasify.com/+%22sex-upedness%22&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=1)

Made-up citation: "Sex-upedness does not necessarily involve sex, though dipfucked-upedness will always involve a dipfuck, according to dudes at a local research university."

milfitude

noun. Look deep into the hotness of a MILF, and this ye shall find.

Real citation: "Despite having the name of someone's uncle, Daryl is way hotter in her milfitude than Uma."
(Rpb406, July 22, 2004, http://wehateerwin.com/search.php?search_author=Rob406&sid=c7961233c6c77f19e3e1d60173482a1e)

Made-up citation: "Lena Olin's got more milfitude than I can fathom, and I can fathom a lot. I'm a real fathomer. She's just HOT, folks."

Thursday, February 23, 2006

anti-kavorka

noun. An essence, mystical power, or animal-magnetismish quality that personally drives women into nunneries or lesbionic activities in droves.

Real citation: "Well, you turned her _into_ a nun, so it seems you have anti-kavorka."
(MikeWrite, June 19, 2002, http://groups.google.com/group/alt.books.tom-clancy/msg/305ed42c53aa7cba?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "Though dating does feel like getting a drano enema most of the time, I'm not convinced I have anti-kavorka. Further research is needed."

perma-sneery

adj. I told you your face would freeze that way.

Real citation: "Doctor Who didn't and yet they're regarded as its defining feature, and though I really shouldn't let these things bother me it's all part and parcel of this perma-sneery attitude the media has now, and I'm fucking sick to the back teeth of it."
(Rob Matthews, Nov. 28, 2003, http://www.pagefillers.com/dwrg/topten10.htm)

Made-up citation: "No one like a perma-sneery putz--not even a portly proctologist."

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

metric dickload

noun. Though actual tallywhackers vary in size from teeny-weeny to circus-freaky, a metric dickload is always more than a mouthful.

Related terms: metric buttload, metric assload, metric arseload, metric bootyload, metric poop-load, metric poo-load, metric shitload, metric crapload, metric fuckload, metric frackload, metric boatload, metric truckload, metric smurfload, metric cuntload, metric cockload, metric pantload, metric pantsload.

Real citation: "Would that be a metric dickload or an Imperial dickload?"
(http://users.erols.com/aburner/quotes.txt)

Made-up citation: "He may not know the difference between a metric dickload and a bazillion, but Alex the parrot does understand the concept of diddly-poo."

Bushtin

noun. The love that can only bloom between George W. Bush and Vladimir Putin.

Related terms: Bennifer, Brangelina, Spuffy, TomKat, Vaunghistan.

Real citation: Bumiller: “Did President Bush misjudge Putin when he said he had looked into his eyes and seen his soul?” Never trust love at first sight. Rice says something that’s not really an answer and unfortunately doesn’t say if Bushtin (Putsh?) is still a couple or not.
(Ana Marie Cox, "Chatology: Digesting the Sunday Spew," Feb. 13, 2006, Wonkette, http://wonkette.com/politics/chatology/chatology-digesting-the-sunday-spew-154401.php)

Made-up citation: "Pootie-Poot and Commander Cuckoo-Bananas were caught canoodling in Kentucky--it's a Bushtin bonanza, live on CNN!"

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

non-bonerish

adj. Yes, we have no bananas.

Real citation: "yea dont worry about it..im on this xanga thing when i should finishing or rather STARTING over due work...hahaha....daughters like mothers? anywhos.....is that your DOG? i want him....bring him to me so i can play with him...in a non bonerish kinda way...haha"
(MonkeeTee, April 26, 2005, http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx?user=morphingsheep&tab=weblogs&uid=249783793)

Made-up citation: "It's never easy for former fuckmonkeys to enjoy a friendship that is completely non-bonerish. Unless they're women."

boinkdom

noun. The land of boinkery, where hot squishy monkey sex is the conjugalicious norm.

Real citation: " One thing for sure: There should be plenty to talk about when two or more AUEers are gathered in the name of boinkdom. There are many sides to this group."
(Maria Conlon, Dec. 28, 2002, groups.google.com/group/alt.usage.english/msg/8448d1272b889a72?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "In the kingdom of heaven, the boinkdom of heaven will melt your face and bake your noodle, if God is a merciful God and not just another asswipe."

Monday, February 20, 2006

fuckheadface

noun. The closest relative of the common fuckfacehead.

Related terms: shitheadface.

Real citation: "Better to succeed entirely at one thing than to be a failure at everything like YOU. Thanks for the superlative, fuckheadface."
(Match 17, 2001, http://groups.google.com/group/alt.games.final-fantasy/msg/5a71b4baade9b0b1?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "I divide the world into two types of people: leprechauns and fuckheadfaces. Wheee!"

sleepwank

verb. A non-master-of-your-domainy, post-sheep-counting, mega-ishy activity that you had better not be doing in the top bunk, mister.

Real citation: "Someone i used to know used to sleepwank, she'd wake up flicking her bean. very embarrising on guide camp."
(Phil, April 26, 2003, http://www.voodoojunkie.com/voodooboard/viewtopic.php?p=172872&sid=ede3cab70df57a388df05276c29e2d08)

Made-up citation: "I thought snoring and jimmy legs were bad qualities in a bedmate...then I read about sleepwanking. Get me to a nunnery, stat!"

Friday, February 17, 2006

craptacularosity

noun. Crappy cubed.

Related terms: craptasticosity.

Real citation: “Another warning sign of a movie's craptacularosity is if the trailer contains that song that goes:”
(Filipino Elvis, Aug. 23, 2004, http://chud.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-70151.html)

Made-up citation: "My family had it rough. Grandma died in squalor, and Grandpa died in craptacularosity."

man-boobitude

noun. Get a manssiere and hide the children, for the love of all that is holy.

Real citation: "I never said it makes men infertile, just that it decreases the fertility. And yes, I'm yet to find anything supporting my theory of man-boobitude."
(Serahim, Aug. 13, 2005, http://www.sex-project.com/1/index.php?PHPSESSID=fcae27dd5f8c3f8cec2b7524508b2ef5&topic=2649.msg35728)

Made-up citation: "Even the most sincere proponents of intelligent design have trouble explaining or gazing upon the ungodly humps known as man-boobitude."

Thursday, February 16, 2006

circle-jerkesque

adj. When warm looks and warm hands and warm pizzles embrace in a circular (though metaphorical) situation, this word is appropriate.

Related terms: circle-jerky, circle-jerkish, circle-jerkery, circle-jerkage.

Real citation: "It's not encouraging that Ms. O'Malley cites some notoriously circle-jerkesque op-ed writers as her guiding lights. It's like Conservatives citing Ann Coulter."
(Kevin, April 5, 2003, http://calstuff.blogspot.com/2003/04/new-planet-has-pledged-bias.html)

Made-up citation: "Circle-jerkesque behavior isn't just for jerks: fuckwits, cronies, dim bulbs, buttmunches, moonbats, cheese dongs, and doofi have all been observed partaking in circle-jerkitude by smart local scientists."

triangle-age

noun. Love triangles--the most annoying day of geometry class ever.

Real citation: "To be honest, the only good things about this episode was the ending, Bailey, and the lack of triangle-age. Maybe I was just expecting too much from a post-super bowl ep, but it was not even close to one of the best that this show has done."
(EvilSpawn, "2-17: "It's The End Of The World" 2006.02.05," Feb. 5, 2006, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3135330&view=findpost&p=4467046)

Made-up citation: "Evidence would suggest that TV writers get their checks doubled every time they add triangle-age to a show. Maybe if somebody clubbed these hacks with a shovel instead, they'd feel a little differently about foisting this crap on us all."

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

archskank

noun. A skank of high rank.

Related terms: archangel, archbishop, archdeacon, archpriest.

Real citation: "To Kerr! ArchSkank of the UK"
(http://beautybash.net/messageboard/archive/index85.html)

Made-up citation: "Even a mega-ho or slutbomb can't compare to an archskank, according to the Pope."

cakewalky

adj. Easy as walking on cake, baby--though taken literally, cakewalking may present problems.

Real citation: "Routine operations, in the sense of we can do this many times over, need to be somewhat cakewalky. Its one thing to hang it all over the edge during test phase, its another thing to ask that every operational flight do that."
(Andre Lieven, Jan. 10, 2004, http://groups.google.com/group/alt.tv.the-west-wing/msg/b89c3f81cad41183?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "Ever try to pee while doing a handstand, just to mark a little arboreal territory? Probably not, but it's cakewalky stuff to a panda."

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

va-jay-jay specialist

noun. An expert on all things vaginaltruous.

Real citation: "GA happy new years! umm i need you to check my va jay jay to see if it's time for a wax--- your my va jay jay specialist!"
(Jan 1, 2006, http://www.myspace.com/yourheroine)

Made-up citation: "A gynecologist who calls himself a va-jay-jay specialist or groinocologist may not be trustworthy or recommended by doctors."

badasslessness

noun. Look deep into the soul or pants of a non-badass, and this ye shall find.

Related terms: asslessness, White Male Asslessness, chapped asslessness, congenital asslessness.

Real citation: “The agents, although cool-looking, had a lot of badasslessness.”
(Nerje, April 6, 2001, http://forums.thelastfreecity.com/viewtopic.php?t=149)

Made-up citation: "With a lisp, 'badasslessness' is easy to have yet hard to say."

Monday, February 13, 2006

clusterfrack

noun. A frackin' clusterfuck-type sitch.

Related terms: clusterboink, clusterfornicate, clusterfreak, clusterfrell, clusterfrick, clusterfrig, clusterfug, clusterhump, clusterplook, clusterpork, clusterschmuck, clustersmurf.

Real citation: "What a clusterfrack that was, too."
(Skinny Dipper, April 2, 2004, http://www.lake-cumberland.com/forum/post.php?action=reply&fid=8&tid=2928&repquote=25577)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his clusterfrack has no place in our hearts.'"

teenageracide

noun. Teen pregnancy, teen violence, and teen sarcasm got you down? There is a solution.

Real citation: "Let me first state that I am not in favor of murder, no matter what. I don't believe in the death penalty, and even though they annoy the crap out of me, I'd never advocate teenageracide. But anyone who's ever been through a horrible breakup can kind of maybe understand, just a little teensy bit, this poor schmoe's motivation."
(Judy McGuire, "A Man Scorned," Feb. 7, 2006, Bad Advice, badadvice.typepad.com/my_weblog/2006/02/a_man_scorned_.html)

Made-up citation: "To perform a teenageracide, cut teenager in large cubes and place in one layer on a plate or in a shallow dish. Drizzle with lemon juice and olive oil then sprinkle with salt and pepper. Refrigerate for one hour. Meanwhile, cut vegetables alternating each ingredient. When coals are glowing...oh wait, those are instructions for a buffalo shishkebab. Sorry, parents! My bad."

Friday, February 10, 2006

fan-diddly-an-diddly-tastic

adj. Pretty damn fantastic with two sides of diddly and a bow on top.

Related terms: bling-diddly-tastic, chocco-diddly-tastic, crap-diddly-tastic, fan-damn-diddly-tastic, pimp-diddly-tastic, plum-diddly-tastic, rad-diddly-tastic, ska-diddly-tastic, spam-diddly-tastic, spank-diddly-tastic.

Real citation: "Alaskan Thunderfuck--grown in the land of the Midnight Sun. Winner of the '96 Cannibus cup 1st prize. First bud that ever made me hallucinate. Not LSD hallucinate, more like really mellow Shrooms, fan-diddly-an-diddly-tastic."
(iluvstiflersmom, Dec. 21, 2004, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:K4Xf5tbNhEsJ:www.brokenlizard.com/board/view.php%3Fid%3D436415+fan-diddly-an-diddly-tastic,&hl=en)

Made-up citation: "Right now, I'm watching season two of The Shield--which, to put it mildly, is pretty fan-diddly-an-diddly-tastic. Of course, watching it before bed makes me sleep about as well as a snitch who betrayed Vic Mackey crossed with a hyperactive squirrel. But what can you do?"

rockoutitude

noun. Less talk, more rock.

Related terms: all-outitude, candle-blowing-outitude, cop-outitude, down-and-outitude, freak-outitude, get-outitude, ghetto-cracked-outitude, hanging-outitude, lay-outitude, sell-outitude, well-thought-outitude.

Real citation: "Not to say that the ambiance and rockoutitude of the entire Deloused CD is anything less then stellar, but all this hooblah about a story of a man entering a dream world and adventuring and waking up but still choosing to die.... Would you have gathered that if you hadn't read the cd info?"
(Izawwlgood, 2005, Gnostic, http://www.gnoosic.com/discussion/mars+volta.html)

Made-up citation: "A few years ago I saw the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Sleater-Kinney in Boston...seldom have I experienced such rockoutitude. I am also going to marry the S-K drummer when I grow up."

Thursday, February 09, 2006

splatulence

noun. Reason #318 why the men's room is the most terrifying place on earth.

Real citation: "No man using a public, multi-stalled restroom expects that his farts go unheard. Still, in many places it's illegal to make an audio recording of someone without his knowledge—but those laws forbid recording conversations, not flatulence or splatulence."
(Dan Savage, "Sound and Fury," Jan. 19, 2006, http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=26600)

Made-up citation: "Dietary changes may alleviate flatulence, but a splatulence problem can be solved only by getting the hell away from me. Thank you."

henchess

noun. A dastardly female assistant, complete with feminine wiles and possibly a crowbar.

Real citation: "You do my bidding quite well, actually, maybe just throw in a little abuse of language or absurdity and I think you'll make a very fine henchman... henchlady... henchess? Underling. Yeah. Now, make me a sammich!"
(erick, Nov. 13, 2004, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:56oCU_m5egUJ:lugubrious.net/news/display/
290/+henchess&hl=en)

Made-up citation: "I'm a young professional looking for friends, friends with benefits, activity partners, henchesses, and a new toaster."

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

fuckdango

noun. Loosely equivalent to "a fucking fandango."

Related terms: fundango, blogdango.

Real citation: "The sniper rifle can be converted to a shotgun for playing House of the Dead 3, too. Fuckdango of a party game (for nerds)!"
(dizzy, Feb. 3, 2005, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:0DizFGrkHbIJ:www.lunaticrage.com/drippy/forum.php%3Fa%3Drt%26f%3D4%26t%3D2369%26m%3D48662+fuckdango&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=2)

Made-up citation: "Taoist philosopher Chuang-Tzu wrote, 'Do not be an embodier of fame; do not be a storehouse of schemes; do not be an undertaker of projects; do not be a proprietor of fuckdangos.'"

festery-looking

adj. Grody and gory to the mildewy, maggoty max.

Real citation: “The gore of the claws is awesome. o.o It's all... slimy and festery-looking. *gore envy*"
(Daimera, June 14, 2005, http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/19465448/)

Made-up citation: "A festery-looking falafel is considered bad luck before noon. And at most other times."

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

moonbatterism

noun. A philosophy or behavior that's loony and nutty and wacky as fuck--bugfuck, that is.

Related terms: moonbat, moonbatter, moonbatty, non-moonbatty, moonbatish, non-moonbatish, moonbatesque, moonbattitude, moonbattery, moonbattage, moonbatosity, moonbatism, moonbatette.

Real citation: "The government sets up programs to deter more organized terror attacks on our soil, and for over four years there are no more OTAs on our soil. A reasonable person might see SOME connection between the two things, but, yeah, it could be one big fucking coinkydink. Maybe terrorists are simply bored with making plans to attack us and have gone on to new hobbies, such as golf or knitting. Or we could go with the moonbatterism that there really are no organized terrorists and 9/11 was just a bunch of guys with no connection to anything. Or the Jews did it! Yeah, that'll work."
(Paula Light, Feb. 2, 2006, Ultrablog, http://paulalight.blogspot.com/2006/02/trolling-trolls.html)

Made-up citation: "This might be my favorite Bushism/moonbatterism: 'The California crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants.'"

re-corpse

verb. Revive. Rekill. Lather. Rinse. Flee.

Real citation: "I loved the entire scene between Julia and the corpse, including the chilling end where Julia, uh, re-corpsed it. I think it's because I've always thought of Nip/Tuck as a revenge tragedy, and I expect most characters to end up dead or miserable. Am I the only one who sees the show in such a misanthropic light?"
(Scorched Earth, "Nip/Tuck," Dec. 7, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=2864952&view=findpost&p=4115829)

Made-up citation: "If you perform exorcisms, you're in a religion. If re-corpsing is more your thing, you're in a cult."

Monday, February 06, 2006

ball prints

noun. Telltale signs left behind at the fellatial scene of the full-frontal fellatosity.

Real citation: "This ethics conference should be a real hoot: Peggy Noonan will talk about the secret communiques of Vatican II as revealed to her by Flipper, Fred Barnes' chin will be dusted for George Bush's ball prints and Tim will serve up $50,000 worth of pontification on his favorite theme -- 'It's news if I say it is.'"
("Ethics? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Ethics!," Jan. 27, 2006, firedoglake, http://firedoglake.blogspot.com/
2006_01_22_firedoglake_archive.html#113834741210842303)

Made-up citation: "Like snowflakes, no two (or is that four?) ball prints are the same."

chowderheady

adj. Delicious New England clam chowder is a terrible thing to waste.

Related terms: chowderheadish, chowderheaded, chowderheadedness.

Real citation: "The Good Dream: I was waiting in this interminable line in Staples, and the store manager was apparently being a real chowderhead. He didn't actually do anything chowderheady in the dream, but I just knew in that dream way he was being a chowderhead."
("Dream a little dream...," Oct. 20, 2003, The First Time I Turned Thirty, http://trackerneil.blogspot.com/2003/10/dream-little-dream.html)

Made-up citation: "Call me chowderheady, but I can't see any pluses in having children. Plus, I'd hate to pack on the pounds like a meaty male monkey."

Friday, February 03, 2006

mashed-potato-brainitude

noun. Like shit-for-brains, but tastier--and better for you too.

Related terms: fuzzy-brainitude, right-brainitude.

Real citation: "Do you ever remember being mashed potato brained? Has there been any long-lasting effects on your mental well-being from slipping into mashed-potato-brainitude so often? Explain for the people at home, Jim."
("The Red Sox, Sail Boats, Blues Music, Beer, Driving, Girls Wearing Coconut-Scented Sunblock, etc.," Nov. 26, 2004, http://mysite.verizon.net/vzeo6f10/allthatisgood/id21.html)

Made-up citation: "When I finally get diagnosed with a fatal case of mashed-potato-brainitude, I will blame the computer, which seems to follow me everywhere. I may also blame my family, my gender, and Zeus, my favorite God."

lust in one's pants

idiom. When there's not enough room in your heart for a load of lust, check your pants.

Real citation: "A Rhodes Scholar, lawyer and former Governor of Arkansas with lust in his pants and his Ivy league, ambitious wife come to Washington."
("Eight Years of Autopilot and Laissez-faire," http://www.angelfire.com/blog2/bigpicture/eya_19.html)

Made-up citation: "When female rats get jacked on coffee, it puts a little extra lust in their pants. I told you to stop giving Starbucks to the rats, Mom!"

Thursday, February 02, 2006

absomotherfucking

adverb. Absolutely, motherfuckingly so.

Related terms: absofucking, absofuckingnotly, absofuckinglutely, absodiddly, absonotly.

Real citation: “See asslicker kiss worthless ass on VH1’s rock show and for what SCOTT, Absomotherfucking NOTHING!”
(Diabolic, Jan. 15, 2003, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:yUvFiN0dGakJ:www.metalreview.com/forum/post.asp%3Fmethod%3DReplyQuote%26REPLY_ID%3D3770%26TOPIC_ID%3D355%26FORUM_ID%3D3+absomotherfucking&hl=en)

Made-up citation: "I never, ever make a bet, because though I may be absolutely sure of something, I am absomotherfucking sure that I always lose bets. I hate my brain. Excuse me while I make a crack and grain alcohol smoothie."

mid-groininess

noun. Right smack in the creamy middle of--as the Bible says--"putting the devil into hell." Or, you know, there may be two hells, two devils, or any other combination that's been tried since Christ was a cowboy.

Related words: non-groininess.

Real citation: "It’s easy, because he calls out her name mid-groininess and afterwards . . . he holds me."
(Beetle, "Pretend," http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:cz6C3tvE1LcJ:stepaway.com/archive/viewstory.php%3Fsid%3D1077%26PHPSESSID%3Dcda8b9987644e18c4d464f77d8d4f55f+groininess&hl=
en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=11)

Made-up citation: "Any testimony that was obtained mid-groininess will not be heard in this court. Unless you speak up!"

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

nutjobesque

adj. Kinda sorta wackjobby.

Real citation: "i like rush, he's a funny bastard, hannity is too fucking rightwing nutjobesque for me"
(Aug. 2, 2004, http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:UpKz-owaPgkJ:www.board.yourmomsbox.net/viewthread.php%3Ftid%3D3798+nutjobesque&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=1)

Made-up citation: "Mark Peters is making up this sentence and putting himself in the third person, just to get that nutjobesque quality in his blog. Now Mark's done."

open-woundish

adj. Lord, Lord, talkin' bout my oozing cyst.

Related terms: festering woundish, primal-woundish, raw-woundish.

Real citation: “She's even somewhat hopeful, in these early, open-woundish months after her breakup, she'll find someone else to love.”
(Mike Bell, “Bif's nerves naked,” Oct. 3, 2004, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:Hbxbw3teSNsJ:www.canoe.ca/
JamMusicArtistsN/naked_bif.html+woundish&hl=en)

Made-up citation: "Methinks I'm going to feel open-woundish about the Bush administration for a long time...but a Will Ferrell Bush movie would ease my pain considerably. Why in the name of pancakes doesn't this happen?"