Monday, January 31, 2005

make a no-no

idiom. Lay an egg; drop the bomb; take a shit.

Real citation: "After a commercial break during which "Tension" makes a no-no on the living room carpet and slinks off to a corner whimpering, we return to Syd waiting and guards stalking. Seriously, that's it. Of course, they find her, and ass-kicking ensues. It's all Jennifer Garner, however, so that's pretty cool. But the entire scene leading up to the ass-kicking was more boring than watching paint dry on the back of a dead cockroach"
(Erin, "The Passage, Part One," Page 9, Television Without Pity, http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/story.cgi?show=75&story=4267&page=9&sort=&limit=)

Made-up citation: "Coffee in the a.m. makes me make a no-no quicker than I can say, 'Jesus holy shit Christ!'"

limp chimp

noun. Impotent dude (though I guess you could figure out the "dude" part).

Real citation: "Fourth, go back to your psychopharmacologist, have him adjust your dosages and while you’re there, make him give you an ’script for Viagra, Cialis or some other erectile dysfunction drug. With all the pharmaceutical phallus-firmers cluttering the shelves these days, there’s absolutely no reason for anybody to be a limp chimp."
(Judy McGuire, New York Press, http://www.nypress.com/17/7/news&columns/date.cfm)

Made-up citation: "There's a big difference between a limp chimp and a wimp pimp with a gimp. Or is there?"

Sunday, January 30, 2005

non-meepitude

noun. 1. A complete lack of meep-oriented activity. 2. Sweet merciful monkey balls, I have no idea.

Real citation: “When you sent out a call for helpers originally I was still in the 'eek, there will be people there, so I'd best not go' mood; now I'm feeling somewhat more sociable I have my day already arranged. Poot, I say. I'd be up for a group Science Museum trip though (assuming continuation of current non-meepitude).”
(gnimmel, Oct. 11, 2003, Livejournal, http://www.livejournal.com/users/gnimmel/52229.html)

Made-up citation: "How many Sylvia Plath poems rhyme 'non-meepitude' with 'mega-creepitude'?"

non-schmuckish

adj. Unschmucklike.

Related terms: schmuckitude, schmuckage, schmuckosity, schmuckbag, schmuckface, schmuckhead, schmucko, absoschmuckinglutely.

Real citation: "For the rest of you...I guess I'm recommending you use Travelocity, since they seem to be kinda non-schmuckish."
(wileemorgana, April 10, 2003, The Inner Workings of Nick "Naraht" Frame, http://www.livejournal.com/users/naraht/2003/04/10/)

Made-up citation: "On my most non-schmuckish day, I'm still pretty much a putz."

Saturday, January 29, 2005

loinage

noun. Groinage.

Real citation: "Tell me I don't turn you on. Tell me I don't make your loinage rumble just a wee smidge. Oh no? Really?"
(the Hun, "casual luxe," Dec. 30, 2004, Isabella Wunder, http://isabellawunder.blogspot.com/2004_12_01_
isabellawunder_archive.html)

Made-up citation: "'Strangulated testicle' is a bad loinage problem and a good band name."

bum-flappiest

adj. Embarrassing and bold in an exposed tushie kind of way.

Real citation: "So, final tally: LAMB has one mega-hit, one okay song, three stillborns, and seven full-fledged embarrassments. For Stefani, fashion has officially come first; to her credit, these songs are the slickest, shiniest, bum-flappiest failures of the year."
(Nick Sylvester, "Gwen Stefani: Love Angel Music Baby," Nov. 24, 2004, http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/s/stefani_gwen/love-angel-music-baby.shtml)

Made-up citation: "I don't usually contradict my citations, but the Gwen Stefani CD is extremely swell and non-bum-flappy in my opinion. Harumph."

Friday, January 28, 2005

su-diddly-fucking-uck

verb. Suck--with a little diddly and a lot of fucking, just for emphasis.

Also: su-diddly-uck, su-diddly-suck, suc-uhk-diddly-uck, suck-diddly-uck, suh-diddly-uck, yuck-diddly-uck, diddly fucking squat, diddly fucking shit, diddly fucking doodie, yee diddly fucking ha, tee diddly fucking hee, whoop-diddly-fucking-doo, ho diddly fucking ho ho, jack diddly fucking shit, scrum-diddly-fucking-umptious.

Real citation: "Damn, did this episode su-diddly-fucking-UCK!"
(Harrison Fjord, "3-7: "Magnetic" 2003.11.12," Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3112993&view=findpost&p=662019)

Made-up citation: "Which word is the most redundant: "su-diddly-fucking-uck," "motherfuckingfucker," or "cock-a-diddly-ding-dong-doo-doo"?

ultra-zoomy

adj. Quite fast.

Real citation: "In the movie I, Robot, Will Smith drives his ultra-zoomy sports car up to a parking ramp."
(Gregg Easterbrook, "Load your muskets for the Democracy Bowl, and why "safe" strategy isn't safe," Jan. 25, 2005, http://www.superbowl.com/news/story/8132369)

Made-up citation: "Speedy Gonzalez is the ultra-zoomiest cartoon character of them all, but he just doesn't have the sex drive of Pepe Le Pew."

Thursday, January 27, 2005

teen Christian-porn pop

noun. A genre of teen-oriented pop music with equal parts Christian moral uprightness and sticky, porny downlowness.

Real citation: "Is it just us, or is Ashlee Simpson's 'La La' a total masterpiece of teen Christian-porn pop? Ok, it's probably just us. But the Acid Reflux Queen did one of the most memorable live TV gigs in history at the Orange Bowl in Miami on January 4th, screeching 'La La' like Geddy Lee getting a nipple twister from pliers-wielding polar bears."
("Ashlee's Nightmare," Rolling Stone, Issue 966, Jan. 27, 2005)

Made-up citation: "My new band is a spunky mix of teen Christian-porn pop, William Shatner, and angry parakeets."

asshatastic

adj. Fantastically asshatty.

Related terms: asshat, asshattery, asshattitude, asshatish, asshatesque, asshatfest, asshatful, asshatless, asshatted, asshattedness, uber-asshat, mega-asshat, super-asshat, non-asshat, Admiral Asshat.

Real citation: "....wait, Angelina Jolie has a long resume of starring in asshatastic films, too. but her voice does not sound like five testicles, either. "
(El Grego, http://www.rottentomatoes.com/vine/archive/index.php/t-317593)

Made-up citation: "The most asshatastic thing I've done lately was wear two different shoes to work. Or was that just doofus-like?"

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

buzz shackle

noun. Buzzkill; bringdown; mellow-harsher.

Also: shackle one's buzz, buzz-shackler.

Real citation: "Personally, exhaust in my lungs is a big fat buzz shackle no matter the end goal."
(Thrashador, Oct. 14, 2003, http://www.cascadeclimbers.com/threadz/printthread.php?Board=UBB7&main=256693&type=post)

Made-up citation: "My fouled-up computer isn't just unreliable and ready for the scrap heap (and the chainsaw)--it's a major league buzz shackle."

kneejerkery

noun. Kneejerk-type behavior, with an emphasis on "jerk-off."

Real citation: "This is not random speculation. This is not incoherent antireligion kneejerkery. This is cold hard fact, just like the fact that I kick ass."
(Imp, May 16, 2001, http://www.stepzero.org/forum/view.pl?1004)

Made-up citation: "'Kneejerkery' almost rhymes with 'beef jerky.'"

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

poopsome

adj. Literally full of shit.

Related words: freaksome, dollsome, fucksome, yucksome, cuddlesome, skanksome, icksome, squeesome.

Real citation: "6:45 p.m. A potentially poopsome pooch was warned off the Plaza."
(Kevin L. Hoover, "He needed somewhat more pants than that," The Arcata Eye, http://www.arcataeye.com/police/040809police.shtml)

Made-up citation: "When I get that painful poopsome feeling, I know it's time to lay an egg."

nannylicious

adj. Sexy in a nummy nanny way.

Real citation: "It hasn't been a good week for Tiger Woods. First, he lost his No. 1 ranking to Vijay Singh. Now, there are reports that his engagement to nannylicious Elin Nordegren is on the rocks. Rumor has it that Elin balked at wearing that Nike wedding gown. She was afraid it would slice open."
(Michael Bradley, "Don't expect Eagles to soar," SI.com, http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2004/writers/
michael_bradley/09/09/eagles.problems/)

Made-up citation: "According to The Guide to Better Business Writing, one must always avoid words like "nannylicious" and "ho-tacular" in interoffice memos."

Monday, January 24, 2005

slurpitude

noun. A metric buttload of slurpy activity.

Related terms: slurpage.

Real citation: “I have a deep respect for anyone who has spent the time to decode this phenomenon. I tried it several times and even when I found them in full slurpitude I ended up doing better waiting for the tide to start ebbing and swinging a fly in the wake of some structure where the fish were grabbing worms in the current. The flat calm slurpers had me pulling my hair out.”
(juro, May 10, 2004, Flyfishing Forum, http://www.flyfishingforum.com/flytalk4/showthread.php?t=15871)

Made-up citation: "I've never been accused of moral slurpitude, but I'd like to be."

post-nipslip

adj. This describes the fragile historical period immediately following an unintentional instance of peek-a-boob.

Related terms: nip slip, nip-slipper, nipple slip, nipplage, nipplage slippage, nippage slippage, post-Janet-Jackson's-breast, breastgate, boobgate, breast fest, boob slip, boob-unveiling, boob-slippage, peek-a-boobie, boob blunder, mammary meltdown.

Real citation: "We don't WANT to focus on Tara Reid, but she keeps us so very occupied. In this fat edition, a post-nipslip Tara goes apeshit on a bystander."
("Gawker Stalker: Tara Reid Lashes Out," Nov. 8, 2004, Gawker, http://www.gawker.com/topic/gawker-stalker-tara-reid-lashes-out-025181.php)

Made-up citation: "Not many of Elizabeth Barrett Browning's sonnets rhyme "post-nipslip" with "Toast! Pip pip!"

Saturday, January 22, 2005

leg-humpage

noun. Old-fashioned, all-American, Biblically-mandated leg-humping.

Related terms: chest-thrustage, butt-lickage, ass-kissage, butt leakage, toe suckage, finger suckage, self-wettage, self-fuckage, wig lumpage.

Real citation: "I require leg humpage anytime I go above and beyond. :eek: :eek:"
(NetxMan, Oct. 31, 2003, http://www.hosthideout.com/archive/index.php/t-4673.html)

Made-up citation: "Leg-humpage, floor-crapage, and mailman-chompage are three hazards of dog ownership."

come-hither-y

adj. Sexy in a "c'mere and let's make some hot, sweet, buttered, roasted monkey love" way.

Real citation: "I know, ladies, I know. Me, Katie, Queen of the Romantics, Big-Time Booster of looking good and dressing sexy to catch your man, yes, I, Katie, am actually recommending this comfy, cozy, but not necessarily come-hither-y nightshirt. I bet you expected me to pitch some silk lingerie or something, huh? Well, don't get me wrong. I still love lingerie. But you know what? Sometimes it's just fun to curl up with your bunny and a box of candy and the warming glow of the television set, and take some time for yourself. And this nightshirt is perfect for that."
("Katie-Kissed Merchandise," http://soapcity.netscape.com/specials/katie_frasier/
0206_shopping.jhtml)

Made-up citation: "Hello Virgo. According to the planetary portents, you will soon become entangled with either a come-hither-y sexpot or a creepy-uncle-y crackpot."

Friday, January 21, 2005

robo-mommy

noun. A motherly, robotic bucket of bolts and guilt.

Real citation: "While pretending to do all the equations at work, Proteus plans in secret at the Harris home. Finally, he makes himself known, trapping Susan in her house and controlling her surroundings. He wants to reproduce, explaining, "I, Proteus possess the knowledge and ignorance of all men, but I cannot feel the sun on my face." Unfortunately, Susan is to be the robo-mommy."
(Scott W. Davis, April 29, 2003, Horror Express, http://www.horrorexpress.com/forums/index.php?s=e1f1d71dc53a972ce120a03908b14fa2&showtopic=189)

Made-up citation: "A robo-mommy isn't ideal, but it beats a robo-goon."

dorks-gone-chic

noun. A flock of mature, well-dressed, probably-annoying dorks (not to be confused with a gaggle of hipster doofi).

Real citation: "Why men and women swoon for these dorks-gone-chic."
(Michael Hamilton, "Isn’t He Adorkable?" Cultureflux, http://www.cultureflux.com/issues/11112002/adorkable.htm)

Made-up citation: "Oddly enough, the Dorks-Gone-Chic spring break video hasn't been flying off the shelves."

Thursday, January 20, 2005

non-torture policy

noun. A set of rules and standards not based on physical coercion with hot, cold, sharp, or blunt objects. Or dogs. Or brutal, culturally-specific, psychological abuse. Circa 2005, this is an innovative, newsworthy way to go for the U.S. government.

Real citation: "Gonzales Promises Non-Torture Policy"
(Jesse J. Holland, "Gonzales Promises Non-Torture Policy," http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/ap/20050105/ap_on_go_co/senate_gonzales)

Made-up citation: "Free peanuts and a non-torture policy are good qualities in a bar or regime."

leper-ish

adj. Like a leper, in the social outcast and/or rotting flesh sense.

Real citation: "They put me on Valtrex - which I'm supposed to take daily - but the thirty dollars the prescription costs is not really in my budget so I take it when I feel a breakout coming on. I didn't catch it early enough this time. It's not as bad as it used to get pre-Valtrex but I feel leper-ish."
(Jan. 12, 2004, http://gerberagirl.diaryland.com/bodyissue.html)

Made-up citation: "'Leper-ish Lemon' is not a popular smoothie flavor."

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

post-brain-suckage syndrome

noun. A disease afflicting those whose brains have been slurped out--literally or metaphorically.

Real citation: "Act One begins with everyone at Xander's apartment, and Dawn is describing the encounter with Glory in a way that makes it sound like Buffy kicked the holy crap out of the goddess, concluding with 'Wham! Hellbitch in orbit.' Everyone (except Buffy, who is nervously peeking out of the blinds, and Tara, who is still suffering from post-brain suckage syndrome) seems impressed: Xander crows 'Go Buff!', and Giles is beaming as he tells Buffy "I knew you'd best Glory eventually...I mean, all of our years of training-" Buffy cuts him off with the dead voice she has when she has been pushed to her limits: 'Truck hit her.'"
(M. Scott Eiland, "Spiral 5x20," http://www.filmfodder.com/tv/buffy/episodes/0520/)

Made-up citation: "Nothing like a lengthy meeting to bring on another tragic case of post-brain-suckage syndrome."

horse's asshood

noun. The state or condition--temporary or genetic--of being a horse's ass.

Related terms: bad-asshood, budding asshood, degrees of asshood, full time go-to-school-and-go-to-work-and-sit-on-your-asshood, kick-asshood, lame-asshood, mutual asshood, pompous-asshood, smart-asshood, total asshood.

Real citation: "Bottom line: it's very, very difficult for a Canadian nurse to work in the US in the year 2000, as I said. Also, you're indeed well on the way to horse's asshood (ie, a peculiar combination of personal ignorance combined with a willingness to point out a supposed lack of knowledge in others). Keep it up."
("Canadian Health Care," http://yarchive.net/med/canada.html)

Made-up citation: "My manhood may be questionable, but my horse's asshood is beyond reproach."

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

absofuckingawesome

adj. This describes something that is absolutely fucking awesome (and maybe even a little fanfuckingtastic).

Related words: absofucking, absofuckingtastic, absoposilutely, absogoddamntively, absotively, absotootly, absodiddly, absobleedinglutely, absoblessedlutely, absobloodylutely, absobloominglutely, abso-fraggin-lutely, abso-freaking-lutely, absofrigginlutely, absofrikkinlutely, absofuckinglutely, absofugginlutely, absofunkinlutely, absogoddamnlutely, abso-one-hundred-percent-lutely, absoschmuckinglutely.

Real citation: "A. W00t! Go Jill!B. Why is a 4.0 only "good standing"? This university needs to come up with some new words. Like 'stupenfucious' or 'absofuckingawesome'."
(pyre, Dec. 19, 2003, This is me, http://www.strangesearch.net/terrek/archives/
2003/12/yes_im_this_vai.html)

Made-up citation: "Few things are as absofuckingawesome as a 68-degree day in January in Buffalo, NY."

newsdude

noun. Anchorman; newsman; newsguy; news-stud; newsfeller; newsmonkey.

Real citation: "Dan Rather (newsdude who stood in the desert during the [first] Gulf War trying to hint to Saddam where the SCUDS landed so he could do better next time...and apparently has pulled other sleazy shit since): he's an asshole. "
(Paula Light, Jan. 12, 2005, Ultrablog,
http://paulalight.blogspot.com/2005_01_01_
paulalight_archive.html#110556726320310836)

Made-up citation: "Rare is the newsdude who is not a newsdouche as well."

Monday, January 17, 2005

ballitude

noun. Testicular fortitude.

Real citation: "Quick sex thing: the whole club thing. Some women are hot enough, and they certainly can get most guys that they want. So what's with the club thing? Is it simply to dance? It can't be solely about sex though it can certainly end there. Most often its just a routine of teasing. And teasing it is! So does that make it an ego thing? or perhaps there's a mental reward for indulging in "slutitude" once in a while. I wouldn't know for certain. I don't have the ballitude to indulge in slutitude, though I would imagine it would make my head bigger."
(July 26, 2004, Miaopinie, http://www.tabulas.com/~ghost_tree/2004/07/)

Made-up citation: "My pet rats don't have much ballitude in the sense of courage, but they have enormous testicles. If my testicles were that big in proportion to the rest of my body, I'd be a serial-killing postal worker with anger management issues and grenades."

spatula-istic

adj. This could mean spatula-wielding, spatula-loving, spatula-fondling, spatula-collecting, spatula-dependent, spatula-shaped, or even spatula-wacky.

Real citation: “You mean my spatula-istic tendencies alone could qualify me?!? Who knew?”
(StoryTyler, Nov. 16, 2000, http://fff.fathom.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=5493)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'A spatula-istic spouse is preferable to a squeegee-tacular stalker.'"

Sunday, January 16, 2005

fuckedupedness

noun. A plethora of fucked-up phenomena. Also: fuckedupness.

Real citation: "I was not even wanted at the geek table. I'm convinced that highschool is the reason for 95% of the fuckedupedness in the USA."
(Lyle McDonald, March 20, 2004, http://www.fitnessbanter.com/q-t_7382-Re-Uncoupling-proteins-gender-dependence.html)

Made-up citation: "It's not your eclecticism and 'fuckedupedness' I object to so much as that smell."

pig-bladdery

adj. Containing or encompassing a whole lotta liquid--in fact, a positively porky amount of liquid.
Real citation: "She entered the bathroom slowly and softly, as if stealth was of the essence. It was a large, windowless, feebly lit room with rows of weary old yellowing white basins and urinals. One of the showers was running. . . . Other than that, the place seemed to be miraculously empty. Perhaps if she hurried -- into a toilet cubicle. She had been sitting down no more than fifteen seconds when she thought she heard a faint grunting sound. Then -- a prodigious pig-bladdery splattering sphincter-spasmed bowel explosion, followed by, in rapid succession, plop plop plop and a deep male voice: 'Oh, fuck! Splashed right up my fucking asshole!'"
(Tom Wolfe, Excerpt from I am Charlotte Simmons, Rolling Stone Issue 961, Nov. 11, 2004, p. 86)

Made-up citation: "My mom makes the most pernicious, perturbing, pig-bladdery pea soup in all of hell."

Thursday, January 13, 2005

cat-nookiepalooza

noun. This refers to many hot naked cats making sweet monkey love.

Real citation: "And this phenomenon wasn’t just a one-time event. Every time he let the cats out, cat-nookiepalooza!"
(TC, "A Conga Line of Copulating Kitties," http://www.t-nation.com/findArticle.do?article=04-atomicdog-023)

Made-up citation: "In my obituary, I hope they mention that although I was allergic to cats, I was fond of the concept of cat-nookiepalooza."

butt boring

adj. Really, really, very terribly boring.

Related terms: butt naked, butt stupid, butt lazy, butt annoying, butt horrible, butt heinous, butt awful, butt crappy, butt lousy, butt lame, butt nasty, pig-butt nasty.

Real citation: "Hey Jason,It's a real shame to see Mynym go...I'm mad at that!:( Your weblog is going to be butt boring without him."
(Anonymous, Aug. 18, 2004, http://www.thelookmachine.com/weblog/2004/08/reason.html)

Made-up citation: "The second Lord of the Rings movie is the most butt boring thing I've ever paid to watch. I can't believe Peter Jackson is the same director who gave us the Sumatran rat monkey and a kung-fu priest..."

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

screaming leftist unbiblical liberal

noun. As far as I can tell, this is roughly equivalent to "sleazy Satanic hellbeast of shit."

A few feet from Jarboe stood Robert Eckhardt, a professor of developmental genetics and evolutionary morphology at Penn State. Eckhardt had spoken at the press conference about the central role of evolution in biology. "The idea that intelligent design is a powerful upwelling of controversy within the scientific community is absolute nonsense," he said. Jarboe was unfazed by Eckhardt's expertise; he called him a "screaming leftist unbiblical liberal."
(Carl Jarboe quoted by Michael Goldberg, "The new Monkey Trial," Salon, http://salon.com/news/feature/2005/01/10/evolution/print.html)

Made-up citation: "I've never been called a screaming leftist unbiblical liberal, but the day is young."

splurgage

noun. A whole lotta splurging.

Real citation: "Anyway, I got the All Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Nuku Nuku and Utena Movie DVDs yesterday. Imported them from the US. So much watchage. Along with the Sabre Marionette J and Saber Marionette J Again DVDs that I got from Animezone last week. hmm... didn't I say I wasn't going to buy much for the next two weeks so I could save for Manifest splurgage? Yeah. Right out the window."
(July 31, 2003, http://www.damocles.ws/theNexus/default.asp?act=news&nID=511)

Made-up citation: "If I could cut my splurgage, I'd have less debtage, and there'd be no need for wrist slittage."

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

rat-eating episode

noun. A staple of quality television entertainment, much like the wedding episode.

Related terms: rat-eating scene, rat-eating complaint, rat-eating frog, rat-eating heron, rat-eating snake, rat-eating pet, rat-eating monster, rat-eating vampire, rat-eating extraterrestrial, rat-drinking stunt, anti-rat-eating.

Real citation: "NBC's 'Fear Factor' Sued for Rat-Eating Episode"
(http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20050105/tv_nm/television_rat_dc)

Made-up citation: "The Cosby Show's oft-forgotten rat-eating episode was a highlight of the eighties for me."

ass-chapper

noun. An annoyance; a pet peeve; a pain in the ass.

Real citation: "To answer your question: No, I don’t think a helpful wank is too much to ask from a woman at all. At least you’re not whining about wearing a condom--that’s a major ass-chapper."
(Judy McGuire, New York Press, http://www.nypress.com/17/6/news&columns/date.cfm)

Made-up citation: "My number one ass-chapper is when people say 'Have a blessed day'--it makes me want to claw out everyone's eyeballs."

Monday, January 10, 2005

disembowelingest

adj. Chock full o' evisceration, disembowelment, and bloody assorted yuckiness and chunks.

Real citation: "Get ready for the violentest, disembowelingest, vomit-inducingest Itchy & Scratchy Halloween special ever!"
(Krusty the Clown, "Treehouse of Horror IX," Oct. 25, 1998, The Simpsons)

Made-up citation: "As your friend, I'd advise against using words like 'disembowelingest' in your wedding vows. There must be some tasteful synonyms."

meat leash

noun. Tallywhacker.

Real citation: "I don't need special instruments to achieve my goals. I was born with all the bait I need to lead you into my trap. And you? Conveniently enough, you were born with a meat leash between your legs which allows me to lead you around as I choose and mold you as I see fit. Oh, I know that in your everyday, workaday world you swagger about issuing orders, bossing around the office girls, making big decisions and then you go home to command and be coddled by wifey."
(http://www.manipulatrix.com/)

Made-up citation: "Granddad was never the same after Grandma made meat pie out of his meat leash and served it to Snuggles."

Saturday, January 08, 2005

evil-scientist fetish

noun. A kinky liking for the mannerisms, test tubes, white coats, evil death rays--and lumbering assistants?--of our mustache-twirling, research-oriented friend, the evil scientist.

Real citation: "Like me, Laurel and Sebastian thought you should give your evil-scientist fetish a whirl. 'It is healthy to explore these fantasies in a safe environment,' says Laurel, 'and it is healthier than suppressing these thoughts. If it does not produce the expected fireworks, maybe it will inspire them to try another fantasy.'"
(Dan Savage, "Expert, schmexpert," The Stranger, http://www.thestranger.com/2004-12-16/savage.html)

Made-up citation: "I'm simply giddy at the thought of dating a woman with an evil-scientist fetish. I guess I've always wanted someone I could make sweet monkey love with while conspiring to blow up the moon."

factish-like

adj. Having only the slimmest connection to facts and bearing only the slightest resemblance to reality.

Real citation: "Television continues to thrive. One fifteen-minute nightly newscast, barely visible through the smoky haze of its cigarette company benefactor, has evolved into a multi-channel, twenty-four hour a day infotastic clusterfuck of factish-like material."
(Jon Stewart, America(The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction, page 151, 2004)

Made-up citation: "My resume may only be semi-factish-like, but it gives me a happy--and my mother put it on the refrigerator."

Thursday, January 06, 2005

funkitudinous

adj. Full of much funky goodness and exemplary funkitude.

Related terms: crapitudinous, hotitudinous, multitudinous, platitudinous, suckitudinous.

Real citation: "So we drove there, and after some searching through pattern books, sure enough, there it was--Simplicity 5551. And then we found this totally funkitudinous multi-color gauze that looked great over burgundy crinkle-rayon--and I am getting a new dress in the style of my favorite old dress, and I couldn't be happier."
(Caveat Lector, http://cavlec.yarinareth.net/archives/2003/07/05/a-nice-day/)

Made-up citation: "Even on my most funkitudinous day, I am whiter than a penguin's pecs."

touchy-gropy

adj. The opposite of touchy-feely; this is more likely to involve sticky sexmonkeys than sickly sentiments.

Real citation: "No we haven't had sex yet, but the touchy gropy things have their merits."
(http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/celebrity/boy-bands/brians-seven-seas-of-loneliness/brians-seven-seas-of-loneliness-39-40)

Made-up citation: "When smoochy-smoochy leads to touchy-gropy, nookie-bookie can't be far behind."

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

frankenbanana

noun. A monstrous, man-made mish-mash of long yellow fruit and...other stuff.

Related words: frankenfood, frankenpeople, frankenworm, frankenfruit, frankenburger, frankenbeer, frankenboobie, frankencrap, frankensoup, frankencereal, frankenbaby, frankenfetus, frankenrat, frankenbunny, frankenchimp, frankenbabe, frankenthingy, frankenwhatever.

Real citation: "omg! Okay, here is my take on that: Whoever wrote that/said that, i.e., that Emile so-and-so, is under the auspices of the biotech industry and thus has an agenda of trying to make people THINK that, suddenly, after thousands of years of doing just fine without humans tinkering with it, the banana cannot survive unless we take it under our all-knowing wing, change it, strange it, rearrange it, and turn it into: FRANKENBANANA!"
(Jan. 16, 2003, http://www.foodforyourblood.com/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi/topic/1/972.html)

Made-up citation: "Though its nutritional value is unclear, the frankenbanana is a godsend for unholy, hideous, drooling frankenmonkeys."

boinkability

noun. Sexual attractiveness (or boinkworthy-ness).

Real citation: "I go to The Comedy Store to work on my stand-up, not to have my boinkability assessed. One’s sexual attractiveness is probably the most sensitive part of any man’s or woman’s self esteem. Why somebody, unprovoked, would attack such a tender area, I can’t imagine."
(Louise Palanker, "Louise Palanker's Adventures In Comedy," http://www.louisepalanker.com/adventures-in-comedy/)

Made-up citation: "Most people have a higher or lower boinkability level than they think they do. I also think everyone is a little wrong about their height."

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

exorcist-turned-dairy-farmer

noun. A person who has stopped driving demons out of humans and begun pumping milk out of cows.

Related terms: optometrist-turned-sharpshooter, diplomat-statesman-scholar-senator-turned-president, priest-turned-tour guide, rabbi-turned-lawyer, Detroit pimp-turned Caribbean gangster, ex-pimp-turned-cop, pimp-turned-preacher, preacher-turned-atheist, squirrel-turned-roadkill, former radical-governor-turned-roadkill-eating swamp avenger, former-Florida-governor-turned-roadkill-eating-environmentalist, FBI snitch turned spokesman, stripper-turned-mayor, former milkman turned Elvis impersonator, milquetoast milkman turned middleweight champ, postal worker turned tennis pro.

Real citation: "As Krogan continues his reign of terror, Gavin and Amy turn to a reluctant exorcist-turned-dairy farmer who has been victimized by Krogan in the past. "
("Driven (Walker Large Print Books)," http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1410401480/103-8749830-5434213?v=glance)

Made-up citation: "The Kerry campaign will long regret ignoring the exorcist-turned-dairy-farmer vote."


boobage-coverage

noun. This can refer to anything--from bras to shirts to pasties to gold stars--that covers cleavage.

Related terms: boobage footage, boobage slippage, boobage leakage, boobage spillage.

Real citation: "i'm making carmilla from d2k-bloodlust, and the boobage-coverage is a bare minimal. anyone who knows me knows that that's half the reason i wanted to make this costume (hooray for scandalous costumes!)... but i have few ideas for how to make the ... small amount of fabric... err... stick to the twins. *sigh*"
(Ladt Somairot, http://forums.cosplay.com/archive/index.php/t-245.html)

Made-up citation: "In these days of fiscal irresponsibility and ballooning deficits, we as a society must question every penny spent on public education, missile defense, boobage-coverage, faith-based initiatives, and other special interest projects."

Monday, January 03, 2005

barbecutionist

noun. A supreme master or mistress of the aproned ways of barbecue.

Real citation: "Wow, you're a really good barbecutionist."
(Seth Cohen, "The Debut," August 26, 2003, The O.C.)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'The world is divided into barbecutionists and barbecutionistees.'"

asslessness

noun. A situation characterized by no literal or metaphorical assage at all.

Real citation: "But then again, seeing as how I aspire to be Dirty Dronerock Boy, asslessness is something I strive to achieve the look of, hence why I like Levis so much, especially the hipsters, cause they slouch down to your hips and make you look even more assless."
(kate, July 31, 2002, http://ilx.p3r.net/thread.php?msgid=2313736)

Made-up citation: "Though I aspire to a state of asslessness, I remain in a fog of cluelessness."